You may decide you are not yet ready to leave an abusive relationship. You will know what is safest for you and your children, so trust your instincts. Consider the following points for the safety of you and your children:

1. Find out the emergency and important phone numbers you may need - police, Women's Refuge, doctor, lawyer, school, friends, and your whānau/family. Keep these with you.
2. Photocopy important personal documents such as birth certificates, passports, bank or insurance details, and anything else you think is important, and keep them with you.
3. If appropriate, teach your children how to phone 111 and what to say.
4. Get a cell-phone and keep it with you. Work and Income may be able to help you get one. You can phone the police on 111 in an emergency from any landline or cell-phone, even if it doesn’t have any credit on it.
5. You could apply for a Protection Order if you think you could do so safely. You can still live with or go out with a person that you have a Protection Order against. A Protection Order can be for yourself, your children, and other family or friends who are affected by the abuser's behaviour.
6. Make a plan for yourself and the children if violence happens at home, and if you’re out. Think about the safest place to run to – somewhere away from weapons, and where you can get outside. Practice this escape plan.
7. If it's safe, tell your friends and neighbours. Let them know that you have fears for your safety. Ask them to watch out, and set up a code signal or word with them so that they know when you’re in danger, and can phone the police. Your children can use the code too, if it’s appropriate.
8. Get your own sets of keys to the house and car.
9. Open your own bank account, and try to save some money. If you have no money, talk to Women's Refuge about getting a benefit.
10. Use the support of Women's Refuge or other agencies, and the support of friends and family.

This is a guide to help you think about how you might leave an abusive relationship. Women have told us that these points have helped them keep safe. You will know what is safest for you and your children, so trust your instincts.

1. Do not discuss your plans to leave with your abuser or anyone else who may tell him/her.
2. If it's safe, get together a bag that you can leave with a friend or whānau/family member, including: - copy of your Protection Order or Police Safety Order (if you have one)
   - Medicine for you and your children
   - Copies of birth certificates for you and your children
   - Passports for you and your children
   - Clothes
   - Toiletries
   - Children's toys
   - Bank cards and at least enough cash for a taxi, train or bus if needed
   - Driver’s licence
   - Your bank account details
   - Any other important documents, such as insurance paperwork or residency papers
   - Important phone numbers
   - Your loved and treasured portable items like photos or jewellery
3. Find out the emergency and important phone numbers you may need - police, Women's Refuge, doctor, lawyer, school, friends, and your whānau/family. Keep these with you.Get a cell-phone and keep it with you. Work and Income may be able to help you get one. You can phone the police on 111 in an emergency from any landline or cell-phone, even if it doesn’t have any credit on it.
4. Talk to your friends and neighbours if it’s safe for you to do so. Let them know that your safety is at risk. Ask them to watch out, and set up a code with them so they can tell if you are in danger, and ask them to ring the police.
5. To stop an abuser checking your phone calls using the redial function, just pick up the phone and push any number afterwards. To hide your phone number from someone's caller display, dial 0197 before the number (if you’re ringing from a Telecom or Vodafone phone) or dial *32 before the number (from a TelstraClear phone). Check with your service provider in advance whether this function works with your phone plan.
6. Plan and practice an escape route from your house for you and your children. Plan a safe time to leave, a safe route to take, and the transport you’ll use (you car, taxi, bus, Women’s Refuge van). Get your own sets of the car and house keys.
7. Organise somewhere to go straight away, such as to a friend's house or a safe place in the community like your local police station where a Women’s Refuge can come and pick you up. We can come to your home if necessary.
8. Organise a place to stay for a while, such as a Women's Refuge safe house, a friend's house, a rental property, a boarding house or hostel.
9. Talk to Women's Refuge or a lawyer about a Protection Order and the future care of children if you have any. You can get court orders that allow you to stay in your home and/or use the furniture. A Protection Order can be for yourself, your children, and other family or friends who are being affected by the abusers behaviour.
10. If you have a Protection Order and the abuser continues being violent, threatening, stalking or contacting you, call the police. If the police don't take action, talk to the officer in charge at the station, the Police Family Violence Coordinator, or make an official complaint.
11. Help your children to understand what’s going on. They don't need to know all the details, but they do need to feel reassured and how to keep safe.
12. If your life is in danger and you need to move to another city or country, Women's Refuge and the police can help you move safely.
13. The most important thing is for you and your children to get out safely. If the time is right to leave, just go. It doesn't matter if you haven't made a plan or don’t have your belongings, important documents or valuables with you. Get out safely.

Women have told us that these safety measures have helped them and their children to keep safe after leaving an abusive relationship. Take these points as a guide, because you will know what is safest for you and your children. Trust your instincts.

1. Talk to Women's Refuge or your lawyer about a Protection Order, Tenancy or Occupation Order (so that you can stay in your house), and the care and contact arrangements for your children if you have them.
2. Find out the support phone numbers you may need – e.g. Women's Refuge, doctors, lawyer, school, friends, and whanau/family. Keep these with you. If you're ever in danger, call 111.
3. Get a cell-phone and keep it with you. Work and Income may be able to help you get one. You can phone the police on 111 in an emergency from any landline or cell-phone, even if it doesn’t have any credit on it.
4. If you haven't got a landline, Women's Refuge can help you get a free one that can be used only for 111 phone calls.
5. Make the area around your house safer: change the locks, install outside lights, repair damaged windows, trim underneath shrubs and trees so you can see if anyone is hiding in them.
6. Tell all your neighbours and friends that you have a Protection Order and/or that your abuser is not allowed to come to your house. Ask them to phone the police if they see anything suspicious. You could set up a code that will tell the neighbours you are in trouble, such as ringing them, hanging up, ringing again.
7. Use your own bank account.
8. Have any new address and phone number removed from public access: get a confidential number (so that Telecom won't give it out, except to emergency services); go on the unpublished Electoral Roll; get your details removed from any council register; and tell Work and Income, your employer, landlord, schools, doctor, etc, to keep your details confidential.
9. To hide your phone number from someone's caller display, dial 0197 before the number (if you’re ringing from a Telecom or Vodafone phone) or dial *32 before the number (from a TelstraClear phone). Check with your service provider in advance whether this function works with your phone plan.
10. Use a third party when dealing with your abuser (eg. for mail, when picking up the children, when returning their property). Always take someone with you if you can’t avoid seeing them, and try to make meetings in public places with other people around.
11. Make a plan for yourself and the children about what to do in any situation if you feel threatened, such as home, school, and shops. Practice the plan.
12. Help your children to understand what’s going on. They don't need to know all the details, but they do need to feel reassured and how to keep safe.
13. Ask for help from friends and whānau/family.
14. Work out a safe route to school with your children, including finding and practicing safe road crossings.
15. If you have a new home, talk to your new school, new doctor, etc. Let them know the situation.