Words of wisdom

Below are the inspiring, true-life words of women who have used the support of Women's Refuge to help them live new lives free from domestic violence.

Thank you to the brave women who have shared their stories with us. We’d love to read your story of hope, too.

Please write it in less than 500 words and email it to us at info@refuge.org.nz. Just make sure you change names and personal details so that you and your whānau/family cannot be identified.

“My advice to people in a situation of violence is to follow their dreams of being free. Get out when you can, and don’t wait for things to become better – they won’t. The grass is definitely greener on the other side, so don’t worry about the barbed wire on top of the fence. Wounds heal. Use the support that Women’s Refuge offers and never look back.“Kelly, now living a life free of abuse after escaping a violent, seven year relationship


“When I first came to the safe house, I didn't know how I'd manage with mixing with other people. I was used to being with just the children, but to my surprise the workers are so loving and supportive. And sharing experiences with other residents really strengthens me. It's so much better to talk and get the hurt out in the open. I am finding setting ourselves up now very hard. But the abuse, and not being able to see or relate to anyone, was much more painful than the difficulties in setting ourselves up again.“Gaylene, a mother starting a new and safe life for her children


"I owe my life and that of my children to the dedicated Women’s Refuge women, because if I didn't have their commitment to keep us strong and guide us through to the next journey of our lives, who knows where we would be. I now am a very strong woman and no longer accept any violence of any sort in our lives. And what is even more rewarding and exciting is that my children and I have the opportunity to cloud over the ugly sad memories with fresh, happy exciting ones. In a nutshell, I think Women’s Refuge gave me the strength, wisdom and power to trust myself. It gave us a safe place with no pressure to think about where we want to go from here and what was best for my children. That is pretty big when you have spent your life making others happy and doing things to smooth the ripples. I had the time to get my self-worth back and build my decision-making skills. And I got time to recognise that what had happened was not actually my fault, and we haven't done anything to deserve the way we were treated. I could see that it didn't matter what I tried to do in the past to stop or prevent the violence. It was never going to stop until my ex-partner wanted to stop it for himself."Cheryl, a domestic violence survivor and now full-time Women’s Refuge employee


“He never hit me, but he would stub out his cigarettes in the meals I spent ages cooking him. One day he wrapped the curtain cord around my neck and said, 'I could kill you right now.' He was a CEO. Women's Refuge came to my aid 20 years ago. I did leave him, but he actually got help for his behaviour and we were able to be together. When we did part 10 years later it wasn't because of violence.“Lucy, a former victim of psychological abuse


“It was the neighbours who called the police. I was scared and could not get to the phone. The police took my preschooler and me to their office and a Women’s Refuge lady came there to meet me. I had nothing. The safe home had high gates and a lovely child’s playground. It was near midnight that they took me in. The lady showed me a book with some of the important things I needed to know about the home and the rules. I had answered some questions and they had filled in a form but said I would be interviewed the next day. They gave me my own room with a double bed and a single bed for my son. They gave me a food pack, there were clean towels, a comb, toothbrush and soap in the room which I had not expected. I was tired! The lady stayed on for a little bit and we had a cup of tea and a piece of toast while I settled in my own self. I was then overcome with tiredness and slept for ages. My son must have been, too. There were other ladies there and over breakfast we sort of talked a little about our situation. I was allowed in to their Women’s Programme two days into my stay as they were talking about legal stuff and the other women did not mind me joining in. I was told to knock on the office door if ever I wanted to talk to someone and had regular check-ins with the Women’s Refuge ladies. They helped me with Work and Income stuff, they went with me to the hospital to get help for my ribs, and they helped me find a lawyer, some new housing, and support for my kid. I still don’t know if I will let him back into my life, but I know that those ladies will support me no matter what happens.”Liu, a survivor of domestic violence who benefitted from time in one of our safe houses