Get help

At Women's Refuge, we provide the support and information you need when you’re dealing with violence in your life.

If you're in danger NOW:

• Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you.
• Run outside and head for where there are other people.
• Scream for help so that your neighbours can hear you.
• Take the children with you.
• Don't stop to get anything else.

So how do you know if you’re being abused? Use our Quick Quiz, called Are you being abused? If you are being abused, remember it's not your fault. Violence is never okay.

No one deserves to be abused, and we are always here to help you. At Women’s Refuge, we won't judge you. We will listen to you and support you to make choices for your safety. Kia kaha.

Our services are confidential and mostly free. The only charge is rent if you use our safe houses, where you and your children can live if you need accommodation urgently. If you can’t afford this, don't worry - our main concern is your safety.

Contact us anytime, or any of the many other useful services, government departments and women’s organisations who are all here to help you.

The many ways Women’s Refuge can help you:

• a free 24-hour Crisisline at 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843, seven days a week for confidential advice and help in a crisis
• a safe house if you need accommodation urgently that’s in a secret location and that you can come to in a crisis day or night
• separate advocacy and support for women, young people and children whether you’re leaving your relationship or not
• follow-up after an incident in which the police were called
• visits to your home or a safe place
• online help service if it’s unsafe to phone, and an informative website with a ‘Hide my visit’ function
• outreach contracts for rural areas where there may not be a refuge
• relocation
• accessing lawyer’s services
• dealing with the police
• arranging Protection Orders
• support in court matters
• help in solving your housing needs
• help in applying for benefits for you and your children
• help finding new schools
• referrals to appropriate counsellors and doctors
• childcare programmes
• emergency transport
• working with your whānau, and in many regions this can include men in your life.

Education and support groups

Learn about how to build a life free from domestic violence in our courses run by trained facilitators, while sharing stories with other women survivors of abuse. The tamariki or children's groups provide a safe, fun place for children to understand and begin to heal from the effects of violence. They also learn non-violent behaviour like no bullying or hitting, and how to keep themselves safe. The groups run by Women's Refuges are usually free or low cost, and they often provide transport, and childcare. Contact your local refuge if you’re interested.

Test your relationship

Use our Quick Quiz to check whether or not you are being abused, because there are clear patterns of behaviour in a relationship that signal someone is being psychologically abusive. You can take these as likely warning signs there is physical violence to come.

Simply read each statement, think about whether it applies to your partner’s behaviour in your relationship, and then click the TRUE or FALSE box beside it. If you don’t have children, just skip those questions. Read your results at the end of the quiz.

Thinking about leaving

Are you thinking about leaving? We encourage you to make a plan, be cautious about how you implement it, and make positive choices in your life.

There are challenges to leaving any relationship, especially when there is abuse and violence involved. It's very common for women to leave their abuser several times: Women's Refuge have found that a woman can leave and return to an abuser between four and seven times before she can feel strong and supported enough to make it permanent.

However, from working with tens of thousands of domestic violence cases over time, we’ve noticed some patterns.

Five things we’ve learned about leaving

1. Leaving doesn't get easier with practice.
2. Staying with an abuser is likely to get harder to cope with and more dangerous for you and your children as time goes on.
3. The reason you leave the first time will almost always be the same reason you leave the last time.
4. You, and only you, will be the best judge of when it is safest to leave.
5. All your efforts to keep the peace at home will never work. Why not? Because domestic violence is about your abuser, not you. It is their responsibility to change – and you can only choose whether or not to be around them in the meantime.

Some advice from us to help your decision-making

Be proud that you have done whatever you needed to do in order to keep yourself and your children safe, but you all deserve to live without fear, shame and anxiety.

If you’re considering your options, there is no right or wrong way to feel at this moment. You are likely to be feeling a mix of emotions that change in strength and urgency throughout the day, and over time.

There are many things to consider, so try to get clear in your mind before you make your final decision. Talking to someone you trust or people who know about violence against women may help you with the choices you need to make. Do not let the person abusing you know you are thinking of leaving. You can phone our confidential Crisisline if you want to talk to a Women’s Refuge advocate on 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843.

Make a Safety Plan, whether you’re choosing to stay for now or leaving the relationship. We have designed some you can use for free, outlining exactly what you need to think about for a safe new future.

And finally, read the words of wisdom in the stories of hope from brave women who have found the courage to leave abusive relationships, and been rewarded with peaceful, loving lives. Because around half of all murders committed each year in New Zealand are domestic violence related, many women believe leaving was the best decision they ever made.

Resources:

Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free from Abuse
SAFETY PLAN: Choosing to stay for now
SAFETY PLAN: Leaving the relationship
SAFETY PLAN: After you’ve left

Staying safe

Putting Safety Plans in place

Whether you choose to stay in or leave an abusive relationship, you need to stay safe by making a plan.

Working for four decades in the area of domestic violence has taught us a thing or two. And experience shows us that women who plan to leave are much more successful at rebuilding their lives and staying safe than those who leave without a plan in place. Safety Plans can help you think about what you want and need, and help you have some control over your situation.

Make a Safety Plan a few days, weeks or months ahead of the time you want to leave. If it's not safe to write your plan down, or get some belongings packed, you could rehearse your plan in your mind instead.

The most important thing is for you and your children to get out safely. If the time is right to leave, just go – even if you have to leave all your possessions behind in a hurry for now. Your safety is the most important thing. We can help you with every thing else down further down the track.

It's okay to come back to Women's Refuge if you've worked with us before. We know that it can take many attempts at permanently leaving an abusive relationship before you’re successfully free. We sometimes work with women over many years.

Getting legal protection

Women's Refuge can help you get legal advice or help through our advocacy service.

Learn more here about:

• Police
• Police Safety Orders
• Protection Orders
• Separation and divorce
• Care of children
• Child, Youth and Family
• Family Court and District Court
• Lawyers and Legal Aid.

You can also get detailed legal information in the Women's Refuge book Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free From Abuse. Fresh Start has information on dealing with the police; seeing a lawyer; Protection Orders; going to court; what happens to children when a relationship ends; ACC; legally ending a marriage, de facto relationship or civil union; dividing relationship property; and useful legal terms.

Read more about what the law says.

Resources:

Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free From Abuse

Police

You can report physical, psychological or sexual violence anytime. It doesn't matter if it's hours, weeks, months or years after it happened; you still have the right to make a complaint to the police.

If you have been assaulted or threatened it is never your fault, even if you have hit back in self-defence, or if you are drunk or out-of-it. The police treat domestic violence as a serious crime: an incident is not viewed as ‘just a domestic.’

If you’re the one calling the police, tell them if you already have a Protection Order. A Protection Order says that the named person cannot abuse, threaten or harass you.

The police can put you in touch with Women's Refuge, and we can offer you support at any point of the process.

What happens if the police are called to a domestic violence situation at your place?

The police will ask you some questions to try to find out if you are in immediate danger. Try to tell the police if you feel unsafe or afraid for yourself or your children. Tell the police about any firearms or weapons to which the abuser has access.

The police should refer you to an agency that specialises in domestic violence, such as Women's Refuge. A support worker can come to see you straight away, or you can call them when you are ready. Otherwise, one may contact you soon after the police call-out to let you know what help is available in your community.

What about giving a statement?

You will then be asked to give a statement, always in a separate room to the abuser. Women's Refuge or another domestic violence advocate can help you make a statement. Police will determine whether an offence has been committed and decide whether to charge the abuser.

It’s not up to you as the victim of the crime to press charges: police must investigate by gathering their own evidence and lay charges as they do with any other serious crime.

You can choose to make a statement or not – or even choose to withdraw your statement – but that doesn’t necessarily mean the police will drop charges.

What if the abuser is arrested?

The police will take them to the police station, and hold them until there is a court hearing available – usually the next morning. They should inform you when the person is being released. Police should only give bail to the abuser straight away if there are exceptional circumstances.

You can talk to the Victim's Advisor at the District Court, who will have information on the abuser's case, and can tell you what to expect.

Think about making a Victim Impact Statement (VIS), which is an opportunity to tell your story and say how the violence has affected your life. This statement will be given to the judge to be taken into consideration during sentencing if the abuser is found guilty. Police, Victim's Advisors and Women's Refuge advocates can help you make this statement.

What if the abuser is not arrested?

Think about what you need to keep safe: can you stay with a friend or relative? Do you need to come to a Women’s Refuge safe house? What about making a Safety Plan? A Women’s Refuge advocate can help you consider your options and keep as safe as possible.

If you think the abuser should have been arrested, make a complaint to the police.

What if you are being arrested?

You have the right to ask on what charge you are being arrested. You must tell the police your name, age, address, and occupation, but you have the right to speak to a lawyer before you decide whether to allow the police to interview you. Ask the police about accessing a lawyer.

Resources:

Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free From Abuse

Police Safety Orders

A Police Safety Order (PSO) is issued when police have reasonable grounds to believe that domestic violence may occur or has occurred, and when there is not enough evidence to make an arrest. Its purpose is to protect people at risk from violence, harassment, or intimidation.

The police may detain the bound person for up to two hours to issue and serve the PSO. There is no right of appeal.

A PSO can last for up to five days, but is usually issued for one or two days, and stays in force until the expiry time and date stated. The police don’t need the consent of the person at risk to issue the PSO.

The person bound by the order must leave the address while the PSO is in force, even if they own the address and/or normally live there. They must not assault, threaten, intimidate or harass the person at risk, or encourage anyone else to do the same.

They must not follow, stop or contact in any way the person at risk in any place: at home, at work, or anywhere else the person at risk visits often. They must also surrender all firearms and their firearms licence to the police for the duration of the PSO.

The PSO also protects any children living with the person at risk, and any Parenting Orders or agreements permitting access or care by the bound person are suspended for its duration. No criminal convictions result from the issue of a Police Safety Order.

What happens if a PSO is breached?

If the bound person does anything that is not permitted by the PSO, the police can take the person into custody and put them before court.

The court may issue a warrant to arrest the bound person, if that’s required to bring them before the court.

The Court may:

• release the bound person without any further order
• direct the police to issue another PSO
• issue a Temporary Protection Order (if the person at risk does not object).

Other offences committed during the breach – such as assaults or property damage – will be investigated, and charges laid if sufficient evidence exists.

Resources:

Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free From Abuse

Protection Orders

A Protection Order is a legal order designed to protect you and your children from further violence. It is issued by a District Court or a criminal court.

It tells the abuser that they cannot abuse you, and they cannot contact you if you are not living together. The abuser will also have to go to a Stopping Violence programme.

Getting a Protection Order is one step you can take to give the abuser a clear message that you want the violence to stop. At the same time you apply for a Protection Order you can also apply for court orders that allow you to keep living in the house you own or rent with the abuser, and/or have some of the furniture to use.

Sometimes it may not be safe to apply for a Protection Order. You’ll know for yourself if there’s a risk that it will put you in more danger. A Women’s Refuge advocate can help you work out what will be safest for you and your children.

Who can apply for a Protection Order?

Anyone in a domestic relationship can apply for a Protection Order. You are in a 'domestic relationship' if the other person is your current or ex-partner, spouse, lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, brother or sister, grandparent, flatmate, room-mate, other whānau or family member, child, child's parent, or close personal friend. You don't have to be living together.

A Protection Order will protect you and any child under 17 that usually lives with you. Children can also apply with the help of an adult. A third party can apply on behalf of someone else, and you can apply even if you have used violence yourself.

The Protection Order can also say that the abuser must hand in any firearms and weapons to the police, and their firearms licence will be cancelled unless police can be assured that you are safe.

In the Protection Order the abuser is called the ‘respondent’. You will be referred to as the ‘applicant’ or the ‘protected person’.

When you get a Protection Order, keep a copy of it with you at all times, and leave copies with a friend’s or whānau/family member. Phone your local police station to make sure it has been sent a copy from the court.

How does a Protection Order protect you?

The Protection Order has non-violence conditions that say the abuser must not:

• physically, psychologically, or sexually abuse or threaten to abuse anyone protected by the order
• damage or threaten to damage your property
• encourage anyone else to abuse or threaten any of you.

If you’re not living with the abuser, there are also non-contact conditions that say the abuser must not:

• go to your home, workplace, or property unless you consent; intimidate or harass you or your children; hang around your neighbourhood or workplace or follow you; stop you or your children from coming and going; or contact you by phone, letter, fax or any way (including email) unless there is an emergency.

If you choose to live with the abuser, the non-contact conditions won’t apply, although the non-violence conditions remain.

If you don’t want to live with the abuser anymore, and you ask them to leave, the non-contact conditions come into effect again automatically. The abuser also has to go to a Stopping Violence programme. It is a good idea to put it in writing that you don’t want to live together.

How does a Protection Order protect your children?

Any children who usually live with you are included in your Protection Order. The only time children might not be included is if they don’t live with you and you don’t see them regularly. You can also name other people on your Protection Order who are also being abused or threatened by the abuser.

How does a Protection Order protect where you live?

When you take out a Protection Order, there are other orders available that allow you to live in the house you shared with the abuser, or have the use of the furniture and appliances:

Occupation and/or Tenancy Orders

These let you stay in the house/flat that you shared (rented or owned), even if you previously moved out. The abuser must move out, even if they own the place.

Furniture Order

This lets you have some or all of the furniture and appliances from the home you shared. The abuser cannot take them away or smash them up. The police can accompany you when you go to remove the furniture. You don’t have to have an Occupation and/or Tenancy Order to get a Furniture Order.

How do I apply for a Protection Order?

Most women use a lawyer to help them apply for a Protection Order: it’s best to hire a family lawyer who knows the Family Court system. You will need to give a statement, called an ‘affidavit’, about why you feel unsafe.

This should include details about the violence, and the effect that the physical, sexual and/or psychological abuse has had on you and your children. The judge needs to know how serious the violence is.

Women's Refuge does not recommend that you get an ‘undertaking’ instead of a Protection Order. This is when the abuser agrees or undertakes not to be violent. There are no criminal charges for breaking an undertaking.

Can I apply for a Protection Order without a lawyer?

It is possible to go to the court and make your own application for a Protection Order, although we recommend that you use a lawyer if possible. We have found that women aren't always able to get Protection Orders, or good decisions about care of their children, if they apply without a lawyer.

Your local Women's Refuge, Community Law Centre or court staff can give you more information about applying for a Protection Order, and may be able to help you do it yourself. Download the Community Law Centre’s A Guide to Applying for a Protection Order.

How much does it cost?

There is no fee for applying for a Protection Order. But if you choose to have a lawyer, lawyers charge from $500 and up for a Protection Order. It will cost more if the abuser defends the order, or if there are care of children arrangements that need to be worked out.

If you’re on a benefit or a low income, you may be eligible for Legal Aid and the Protection Order will not cost you.

How long does it take?

If the Protection Order is granted ‘without notice’, it is possible to get a temporary order within 24 hours. Sometimes it takes a few days. In emergency cases, you can get a Protection Order granted at the weekend and during public holidays.

You can ask for the Protection Order to be without notice if any delay will put you or your children at risk of harm or hardship. This is often the safest way to get a Protection Order.

When will the abuser find out about the Protection Order against?

The abuser will not be told about the temporary order until it has been granted to you. A bailiff or the police will take a copy of the Protection Order to the abuser in person, and explain to them what it means.

If the Protection Order is ‘on notice’, the abuser is told that you have applied for it. They will be given a period of time – anything from 24 hours or up to two weeks or longer - to put in a written defence against what you’ve said. A judge will then hear each side of the case, and decide whether or not to issue a Protection Order.

How can I keep safe during this process?

A Protection Order without notice is usually safer, but some women have found that it is harder to get immediate Protection Orders and some lawyers are encouraging 'on-notice' applications. If this happens to you, contact a Women’s Refuge or domestic violence advocate for help, and to work out your options for keeping safe while waiting for the Protection Order. We can help you make a Safety Plan.

To keep your address confidential from the abuser, make sure your lawyer completes a ‘Notice of residential address and request for confidentiality form.’ You may decide that it won’t be safe at all to go ahead with the Protection Order. Talk to your advocate and lawyer about this.

Can the abuser challenge the Protection Order?

A 'without notice' Protection Order is temporary for three months. In this time, if the abuser wants to defend the order, a hearing date will be set by the court, and a judge will consider both sides and then decide whether to make the Protection Order final.

If the abuser does not put in a defence against the Protection Order, it automatically becomes permanent after three months. If the Protection Order is 'on notice', a judge makes the decision about whether to grant the Protection Order if the abuser doesn’t challenge the application within the time given.

Will I have to go to court?

If you apply for a Protection Order ‘without notice’ a judge will usually grant a temporary Protection Order without seeing you. If the abuser then challenges either the temporary Protection Order or your ‘on notice’ application, you will need to appear in the Family Court.

Family Court is closed – the public are not allowed in. However, the abuser will be there. Talk to your lawyer and the Family Court Coordinator (FCC) if you are worried for your safety. You may be able to take a friend or advocate to awhi/support you in court.

Can I remove the Protection Order?

You can apply to the Court to have the Protection Order removed, or ‘discharged.’ However, we encourage you to keep it in place, even if you’re back together with your partner and things seem to be going well.

Despite what the abuser may tell you, you do not need to drop the Protection Order to prove that you love them, or want to work things out. The Protection Order was your choice, for your safety. It should stay to remind them that they must not be violent to you again.

The abuser can also apply to the court to have the Protection Order removed. If you do not agree, there will be a defended hearing, in which you both get to tell your side to the judge. The judge then decides whether the Protection Order should stay in place or be removed.

Can I attend an education and support programme?

If you take out a Protection Order you and your children can attend a free education/support programme, which will help you understand about family violence, and help you to keep safe. You can go to a programme any time within three years of getting the Protection Order.

The Family Court Coordinator can also refer you to someone who runs a programme in your area, or you can contact Women’s Refuge.

What happens if the abuser carries on being violent or keeps on contacting me?

The abuser breaches the Protection Order if they: physically, psychologically or sexually abuse you or your children; make any threats; damage your property; encourage others to abuse you; come on to your property, or follow you; or contact you in anyway (emails, texts, letters, phone calls, sending presents, etc). They will also be breaching their Protection Order if they don’t attend a Stopping Violence programme.

We encourage you to call the police to tell them about every breach of the Protection Order, even if it’s minor. You will know if the ‘small acts’ are actually intended to intimidate you and make you afraid.

Factsheet: Protection Order
 

Resources:

Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free From Abuse

Separation and divorce

When you first split up, you can both just agree to separate: you don’t need to involve a lawyer. It’s a good idea to write down the agreement to separate, and then both sign and
date it.

If there has been violence involved and you need to work out what to do about care of the children as well as relationship property, we recommend you get a lawyer to help you.

To file for a divorce, now called ‘dissolution of marriage’, you must be separated for two years. You need to provide a statement and some evidence that you have been living apart for two years – if you both say you have, this is enough - and that you have both sorted out the care of your children.

How can I sort out the property when my relationship has ended?

If you’re leaving the relationship, don't sign an agreement about dividing property until you talk to a lawyer. Don't believe the abuser if they say you will get nothing if you leave the relationship. At the time of a crisis, many women don't ask for what is rightfully theirs - they are scared or they just want the relationship to be over.

If you have agreed to an unfair division of your property, if your ex-partner has hidden money in a trust or business, or if you were forced to sign a ‘prenuptial’ agreement, you may still be able to redress it later with the help of a lawyer.

If you’ve been in a marriage, civil union or de facto relationship for three years, you are entitled to have the property shared equally between you and your partner if you separate or if they die.

The Family Court may award lump sums to the partner that is going to have the least money after the break-up. This may reflect the way the relationship was organised, such as one partner giving up their job to look after the children while the other partner advanced their career.

Resources:

Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free From Abuse

Care of children

Your concern for your children's safety is probably one of the main things giving you the strength to do something about the violence. It's understandable that when the other parent has been violent, working out the care of children can be a difficult, frustrating and scary process. But there are people to help and support you and you can have some control if you know about your rights.

Women's Refuge can help you deal with the issues around the care of children – which is what used to be called ‘custody and access’. It is also a good idea to get advice and assistance from a family lawyer.

What if the abuser is threatening not to let me see the children if I leave?

Don’t believe the threats: if you are the child’s legal guardian, then this doesn’t change because you leave a relationship. The court will only take away someone’s guardianship rights and responsibilities for a very serious reason, and leaving a violent relationship is not a reason at all – if anything it shows responsibility towards your children.

If you are leaving a situation of violence, try to take all your children with you. If for some reason you can’t take the children, you can still apply to the Family Court for the care of the children after you’ve left.

I think the abuser might hurt the children or try to take them away

If you have concerns for your children’s safety, ring the police immediately. You can apply to the Family Court for a ‘Without Notice Interim Parenting Order’, for immediate sole day-to-day care, without needing to tell your partner. You can apply for this if you believe that:

• there will be a risk to your safety or the safety of your children, or
• you or your children could suffer serious injury or undue hardship, or
• the abuser will try to take the children away.

You can apply for a Without Notice Interim Parenting Order even if you don’t take your children with you when you leave. The temporary order will have effect before the abuser is told about it if the judge agrees that you need it. Once you have the order, the police or Child, Youth and Family can help you get the children back.

The abuser will be able to defend the Without Notice Interim Parenting Order being made into a final order. They will be given a copy of your application and have a short period to contact the court and tell them that they are defending the order.

The decision on the final Parenting Order will be heard in the Family Court – either at a mediation conference or a hearing – to which you will need to attend.

Depending on your circumstances, it may not be a good idea to let the other parent see the children if you’re worried about their safety or your own after you have the temporary Parenting Order.

Discuss this carefully with your lawyer, and wait until very clear legal contact arrangements have been worked out through your lawyer. This may involve supervised or monitored contact between the children and the abuser. A lawyer for your children may be appointed to help you work out contact arrangements.

If your partner has already applied for their own Without Notice Interim Parenting Order, or been granted one, talk to your lawyer immediately about challenging it.

What if I’m worried that the abuser might take the children out of the country?

You can apply for a court order to stop the abuser taking the children overseas. If granted, the order is lodged on the Customs computer system so that the abuser will be stopped if they try to leave the country with the children.

If you want to take the children out of New Zealand yourself, make sure you have the care arrangements clearly sorted out through a lawyer first, otherwise the other parent can file a case to get you to return to New Zealand under the Hague Convention on Child Abduction.

How do I sort out care and contact arrangements?

If you have been in a relationship with a violent partner, we recommend that you don’t try to sort out day-to-day care and contact arrangements yourself. It’s usually safer to have a lawyer help you.

Many women have found that when there has been violence, these issues can be complicated. Also, some women find that their abusers try to use the legal system to continue to control and abuse them. If this happens, the help of a lawyer and a Women’s Refuge advocate will be important.

If, however, you and the other parent can come to some agreement about day-to-day care and contact that you feel is safe for you and your children, you can make an arrangement without going to the Family Court. It’s a good idea to write this agreement down and see a lawyer about making it a legally-binding document. This will mean that you can ask the Family Court for help if the other parent doesn’t stick to the agreement.

There are many different ways that care and contact arrangements can be worked out. You need to think about what works best and will be safest for you and your children.

When the other parent has been violent towards you it’s often better to have a set arrangement that lays down the exact times the children are to be collected and brought back. You might arrange for the other parent to collect the children from, and deliver them to, a friend or relative’s place, or for a friend or relative to take them to the other parent and bring them back – at least in the beginning.

What if there has been serious violence or you are afraid of the children’s father?

In this situation you should consider applying for a Without Notice Protection Order, or at least apply to the court on an urgent basis to have the sole day-to-day care of your children.

If you tell the court that physical or sexual abuse has occurred - either against you or your children - a Family Court judge can grant you a Protection Order and/or day-to-day care order without notice to the abuser.

These will be temporary, but only allow the abuser to have supervised contact with the children, such as through Barnardo’s or with a relative, unless the court can be satisfied of the children’s safety.

The allegations of abuse have to be proved true or false through a court hearing, called an allegation hearing. This is also known as a ‘section 60’ hearing. A lawyer may be appointed to act for your child/ren.

After the allegation hearing, the final arrangements for care and contact can be established. You might be able to do this through separate counselling, or a mediation conference, or at a court hearing. It will depend on what is safe for you, and whether you and the abuser can come to any agreements.

When a decision is reached about the care of children, it can be made into a Consent Order. This is a court order and means that you can go back to the court to have the order enforced if the other parent doesn’t stick to what was agreed.

If you can’t come to an agreement about the care of children at mediation, the judge at a Family Court hearing will decide.

How does the judge make a decision?

Before the hearing, the judge will appoint a lawyer to act for the children if this has not already been done, in order to find out what the children’s views are and what they want to happen. The judge may also ask for a report from a psychologist or a social worker on the children’s attachments to each parent/home situation, or seek a report on the child’s cultural background.

The judge will be considering the welfare and best interests of the children in their decision. The judge will consider a number of factors like the children’s safety; their physical, emotional and educational needs; the attitudes and abilities of both parents; and the home environments.

Decisions made in the Family Court are binding. This means that if one of you does not stick to the decision, the court can enforce it.

What can I do if the care and contact arrangements aren’t working out?

Even though you may have reached an agreement or a court order has been made, there can still be problems with how care of children works out in reality. You might be worried the other parent is not sticking to the court order’s requirements, be concerned that the children are still not safe, or still being harassed and threatened by the other parent.

Here are some options for you:

• If you suspect the children are being abused or neglected by the other parent, call the police or Child, Youth and Family.
• Keep a record of the times the children are brought back late, or the other parent doesn’t turn up when they’re meant to, or breaks promises.
• Keep a record of what the children say is happening when they are with the other parent, and any concerns you have.
• Keep a record of any time the other parent harasses or threatens you.
• Report to the police any harassment, abuse and threats from the other parent.
• Talk to your lawyer about the problems. Sometimes, if your lawyer calls the other parent’s lawyer, this is enough to make the parent change their behaviour.
• If there is a serious breach of the court order – for instance, if the abuser is refusing to give the children back after contact time with them – you can apply to the Family Court for a warrant that a social worker or a police officer will use to collect the children.

Most of the time, it’s not a good idea to stop the other parent from seeing the children when they are meant to, as it might reflect badly on you if you go back to court. It is an offence to breach a court order that gives someone rights of contact.

If things aren’t working out, you can go back to the Family Court and ask for the arrangements to be changed, made more specific, or to be enforced. You can’t, however, force the other parent to exercise their contact rights if they don’t want to. It can be a difficult and frustrating process, so make use of support people to help you stay strong.

How can I make care and contact arrangements safer for the children and me?

Here are some suggestions:

• Use your lawyer to help make or change any care and contact arrangements.
• Put all arrangements and agreements in writing and make them as specific as possible - citing times and places to hand over care of the children, for instance – so there is less room for misunderstandings. Try to use neutral territory for these exchanges, such as a mutual friend’s home or a public place like a shopping mall. If you have to see the abuser, take someone with you. Don’t go into a dangerous situation.
• If the other parent threatens, harasses or hurts you when they come to see the children, report it to the police, whether or not you have a Protection Order.
• Make a Safety Plan.

What if I don’t want to have the care of my children, or I don’t think I can cope?

Many mothers feel overwhelmed, tired, angry and stressed when going through a relationship break-up, and even more so when they have left an abusive relationship. On top of this, going through legal battles over children and property can be exhausting.

Sometimes trying to look after the children can just feel like too much. If you feel like you’re not coping with your children we encourage you to talk to your lawyer, Women’s Refuge advocate, or social worker about your options and to get support. There may be another whānau/family member who can look after the children for a while. Work and Income can also pay for some childcare to give you some time out.

More information about care of children is in our book Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting To Be Free From Abuse.

Resources:

Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free From Abuse

Child, Youth and Family

Child, Youth and Family (CYF) is a government agency that works with whānau/families to protect children and young people under 17; manage young offenders; provide care for children and young people; and oversee adoptions.

In many areas, police will inform CYF when they have attended a domestic violence call-out and believe there is a high risk of danger or serious harm for the children living in the house.

If for any reason CYF have been notified about your children, they will investigate the case. We recommend that as soon as you can, you talk to a Women's Refuge or other domestic violence advocate to get information about what to expect and what to do.

CYF are child-focussed: they look at what is happening for the child, and will want to find out what you, as the mother, are doing to protect your children from the violence. They should also address the person who is using violence, and ensure they are held accountable and take steps to change.

Some CYF social workers, however, do not have a good understanding of the dynamics of domestic violence and may not realise what is going on for you. Having a domestic violence advocate involved to support you and meet with the social worker can make a difference.

When CYF becomes involved it does not necessarily mean that your children will be taken away. There are other outcomes from a visit by CYF; some that you might see as beneficial, such as helping you and the other parent get access to counselling, Stopping Violence, and drug and alcohol or parenting courses; organising the family to support you; and getting your children into activities and services that will help them.

Sometimes CYF will refer your family to a community agency who will continue to work with you instead of CYF.

If you have hurt or neglected your children, having CYF involved can be a way that you can get help to change your behaviour and learn to parent safely.

It’s common for an abuser to threaten to report women to CYF as a way of getting back at them, or make them afraid the children will be taken away. Don't be afraid if this happens to you, because CYF staff can usually tell if a report is malicious or false.

CYF does have to investigate every notification, however, so if this happens make sure you tell them that you believe the report has come from the abuser who is trying to hurt or intimidate you. Try to get a domestic violence advocate if you can, and they can help you work with the CYF social worker.

Can CYF take my child away?

If a child or young person is at immediate risk of harm, they can be removed from their home. A social worker or the police can enter your home. They will usually have a warrant to uplift the child, but if the police believe the child is in immediate danger, they don’t need a warrant to come and get the child.

Often children or young people go to stay with other whānau/family members, or they may go in to foster care. Within five days of removing a child, CYF must apply to the Family Court for care of the child.

You can apply straight away to the Family Court to have contact with your child or have them returned, and then the court will decide who has day-to-day care.

Whether a child is removed or not, a social worker will continue to work with the whānau/family to sort out how the child will be protected and cared for.

If the Family Court deals with your case, a Family Group Conference should be held within 60 days in which family and others involved will get to tell their stories. The court can also order counselling, or some kind of support or services for the family.

What are my rights?

As the mother, you are still the children’s guardian, even if they have been removed from your care. You still have a right to be informed about any important decisions affecting your child. We recommend that you get the help of a Women's Refuge or other domestic violence advocate if your children have been referred to CYF.

If you want to challenge any court decisions about the care of your children, you will need a lawyer. If your child is removed, you can go to CYF or the court to request that the child is returned to you, or that you are able to see the child.

If you have any concerns about the social worker, you can ask for another one. You can also have an advocate with you. You can make a complaint about a social worker, either in writing or on the phone. You should get written confirmation that the complaint has been received, and then CYF should get back to you with an outcome within 21 days.

If you are still not happy, you can complain to the General Manager, the Chief Executive, or the Commissioner for Children.

You can write to CYF and ask for your files under the Official Information Act. If you still can’t find out what’s going on, ask to speak to the supervisor, or ask a Women’s Refuge advocate to help you. Learn more about your rights.

Child, Youth and Family has a 24-hour, seven day a week crisis service: you can freephone on 0508 FAMILY (326 459). Phone this number if you want to report a case of child abuse. For more information visit www.cyf.govt.nz.

Free download:

Child, Youth & Family - Women/Caregiver’s Rights (PDF)
Child, Youth & Family - Reporting Abuse to CYF (PDF)

Family Court and District Court

Family Court

The Family Court deals with family matters including:

• domestic violence including protection orders
• adoption
• care and protection of children
• separation and divorce
• relationship property
• mental health
• child abduction.

The Family Court tries to help people solve disputes about leaving or staying in a relationship, custody, access and property without having a court hearing.

A Family Court Coordinator (FCC) can help you with any information you need in relation to your case. These specialist staff are employed by the Family Court to liaise with and make referrals to counsellors, specialist report writers, social workers and the lawyer for the child.

What happens when I go to the Family Court?

The Family Court is closed to the public and is not reported on in the paper. It’s not as formal as the District Court or High Court.

At the Family Court, family issues are sorted out through counselling, mediation or a hearing. In cases where there is violence involved, there is usually separate counselling, then either a mediation conference if it’s safe, or a hearing. The court decides which is the best way for decisions to be made in each case.

At counselling, you can talk through all the issues with the counsellor who will help you work out what you want to do. This counselling is not about getting you back together with your partner, unless that is what you want. You don’t have to be at counselling at the same time as the abuser, as long as you tell the court staff that there is violence in your relationship.

You may be required to go to a mediation conference, where a judge tries to help you and the other person come to an agreement. If you can’t, the issues will be dealt with at a hearing, in which the judge listens to both you and the other parent before making a decision.

The judge must find out what the children want, and take that into account depending on their age and maturity. The judge can also ask professionals involved in the case to prepare reports about what they think would be best for the children, such as like the lawyer appointed to represent the children, social workers, doctors and psychologists.

Learn more including information for children and young people and downloading application forms by visiting the website of the Family Court of New Zealand.

District Court

If the abuser has been charged with a crime such as assault, rape, theft, kidnapping, property damage or breaching a Protection Order, then their case will usually be heard in the District Court - or possibly the High Court.

The police or Victim’s Advisor should keep you informed about what is happening with the case. They should ring you and tell you if charges have been laid – and if not, why not – as well as any court dates; what bail conditions have been granted; what is required from you in terms of being a witness; and the results of the court proceedings.

Victim Advisors are specialist staff employed by courts to help victims. Their free and confidential advice is to:

• provide information to victims about the case that relates to them
• advise victims about their rights in the court process
• help victims participate in the court system.

Victim’s Advisors should also help you write your Victim Impact Statement. You can also ask your Women’s Refuge advocate or support person to help you with this information.

As a victim of a crime you are entitled to courteous, compassionate and respectful service from court officers, police and all others involved in your case. Learn more about your rights.

The first appearance

The ‘first appearance’ is when the person accused appears in court after being arrested and is asked whether they plead guilty, not guilty, or are entering no plea.

If they plead guilty, you will not be required to appear in court to give evidence. The judge may sentence the abuser right away or call for a report from a probation officer, psychologist or psychiatrist before sentencing. In this case the abuser will be remanded in custody or on bail, and sentencing will come later.

If the abuser pleads not guilty, a date will be set for a preliminary hearing, which is also called a depositions hearing. If the abuser enters no plea the case will be adjourned, or put off, for a week or two to give the abuser further time to decide which way to plead. A new trial date will be set.

After the first appearance the abuser can be remanded on bail, or may be held in custody in prison. This depends on the charges that are laid by police and the abuser’s criminal history. The abuser may also be given conditions to keep away from you and your children until the next court date.

Preliminary hearing or depositions hearing

This is when the judge decides if there is enough evidence for the trial to go ahead. If so, a trial will take place weeks or months after the first appearance.

The trial

The police will tell you when the date of the trail has been set, and how long it should take. The trial could involve a jury and a judge, or be with a judge only.

If the abuser is found guilty, sentencing could be days, weeks or months after the trial. It involves another court session, in which the judge imposes a sentence, which could be a fine, community service, periodic detention (PD), probation, or imprisonment. They can also be ordered to attend a Stopping Violence programme, and drug and alcohol counselling, etc.

You can also ask about the abuser being kept away from you, your children and/or your home. For domestic violence offences, judges should not give leave to apply for home detention. If this is granted, however, you can speak to the Parole Board in secret and tell them if you are afraid for your safety.

You may or may not be called as a witness. If you are, talk to your lawyer and to the Victim’s Advisor about what this will mean and what you need to say. If you don’t have a lawyer, you can go to the courthouse before the trial and talk with the ‘duty solicitor’ about the hearing. This is a free service but there may be a queue for their service, so allow plenty of time.

You should also phone the police prosecutor or the officer in charge of the case to understand how they’re approaching the prosecution.

Tips for dealing with the trial

• When the abuser is testifying, keep quiet, even if they are telling lies. Listen carefully and tell the police prosecutor what has been said that’s not true.
• When it’s your turn to give evidence, speak clearly and accurately to the judge.
• Answer only what you are asked. Pause before answering so that you can think out what you are going to say before you speak.
• If you get upset and cry, just remember judges and lawyers are used to that happening in situations like yours. It’s quite understandable.

Once the police are involved with a domestic violence crime, it’s up to them to decide whether to go ahead with a prosecution. It’s not up to you to ‘drop the charges’.

The court can summons you to attend to give evidence. If you’re worried about what the abuser might do if you give evidence, or if they threaten you, talk to your lawyer, the police officer in charge of your case, a Women’s Refuge advocate or the Victim’s Advisor.

Often, the police prosecution is reliant on the victim’s story, so if you withdraw your statement or refuse to cooperate with police then the trial may not continue.

You need to think carefully about what it will mean for the abuser and for you and your whānau/family if the charges are dropped. Will the abuser think they have got away with it and can continue to abuse you?

After sentencing

If the abuser is sent to prison, you can get support for yourself from support groups, such as the women’s education and support groups run by Women’s Refuges.

Learn more by visiting the website of the District Courts of New Zealand.

Resources:

Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free From Abuse

Lawyers and Legal Aid

It’s important to choose a good lawyer experienced in family law and domestic violence. A good lawyer is one you feel comfortable with; speaks in a way you can understand; tells you about your options; and gives you good explanations.

Your local Women's Refuge, Rape Crisis centre, or Women's Centre can recommend good lawyers in your area – you really want to avoid having to choose a lawyer by searching the Yellow Pages if possible.

Talk to a lawyer and ask them about their experience and specialist training – and their costs – before you make your decision. Most lawyers charge between $110 and $300 per hour. Find out if you will be charged for a first visit.

Every relationship is different, so it’s difficult to estimate how much it will cost you for legal help for a Protection Order or arranging care of children. It depends on the actions of the other party (i.e. the abuser), and the nature of your issues. You can agree a maximum cost with your lawyer, which means they will have to let you know before they do any more work that will exceed your agreed amount. You may also be able to pay off your lawyer’s fees in instalments.

To minimise your lawyer’s bill, make sure you are prepared for the meetings with all the relevant documents and information. Talk through the emotional issues first with an advocate or support person, so you are able to be clear and concise when you’re meeting your lawyer. Take a domestic violence advocate with you.

Legal Aid

If you can't afford a lawyer, you may be eligible for Legal Aid, whereby all or some of a lawyer's fees are paid for you. Anyone who needs a lawyer and can't afford it can apply for this assistance. You don't need to be a New Zealand citizen or permanent resident. If you’re under 20, however, there are special conditions.

You can apply for Legal Aid by filling out a form at the lawyer's office. You must provide some details about your income and assets, and then the Legal Services Agency considers your application. If you’re on a benefit, you will probably be granted Legal Aid, but if you are working you might not be eligible.

Are there any costs with Legal Aid?

If you’re applying for a Protection Order, Legal Aid can be given as a grant: there is no fee and you don't have to pay back your legal costs.

In other Legal Aid applications, including for care of children, you have to pay a fee of $50 when you apply. If you do not have this money, you may be able to pay the amount off in instalments, or not have to pay it at all.
There can be conditions (costs or time-limits) attached to Legal Aid:

• You can be required to pay back the cost of Legal Aid by instalments.
• A charge can be put on your belongings (house or other assets), which means that there is no immediate cost, but if you ever sell your house (or other asset) – even years later - you will be required to pay back the cost of Legal Aid. This could be thousands of dollars.
• Other charges can be linked to the court outcome, so that the Legal Aid costs will be taken out of any money awarded to you by the judge.

The Legal Services Agency has more information on Legal Aid.

Resources:

Fresh Start: A Practical Guide for Women Wanting to be Free From Abuse

Financial help

Applying for financial assistance

There are a number of benefits and allowances you may be eligible for if you are a victim of domestic violence in New Zealand.

Work and Income provides financial assistance and employment services throughout New Zealand. It offers a single point of contact for people in New Zealand needing job search support, financial assistance and in-work support.

We strongly advise that you contact us or another benefit advocacy service like the Citizens Advice Bureau for help with understanding your entitlements to any available financial assistance.

Women’s Refuge advocates can also accompany you to meetings at Work and Income, and help make sure you get quick access to any benefit to which you’re entitled. Advocates can also help you with Work and Income debts.

You should be getting enough money to pay for your basic living costs. If you are turned down for any benefit or you think you should be getting more, get the decision in writing from Work and Income, and ask for a review immediately. Taking along an advocate often helps.

Benefits

You may be eligible for these benefits:

• Domestic Purposes Benefit (DPB) for single parent with child/ren; for someone caring for a sick or disabled family member; or for women alone aged over 50
• Unemployment or Sickness or Invalid’s Benefit
• Student Allowance
• Independent Youth Allowance for young people aged 16 to 17 who can’t stay at home
• Emergency Maintenance Allowance for women who do not qualify for the DPB
• Emergency Benefit for those not able to get other benefits
• Special assistance for migrant women who are applying for a residence permit but have lost the financial support of their sponsors due to domestic violence. You must have have entered New Zealand for the purpose of marriage or de facto relationship, have applied for residence, be living apart from your partner due to violence, be unable to return home, and have a temporary work permit.

Allowances

There are also many allowances available to people on benefits, as well as those on a low wage, for which you may be eligible:

• Accommodation Supplement
• Special Benefit or Temporary Additional Support if your essential costs (rent, food, bills, cost of car and furniture, childcare etc) are more than your income from a benefit or wage
• Food grants
• Reestablishment grant If you have children and are separating from an abusive partner, you may be entitled to $1400 of recoverable and non-recoverable grants to help you move and set up a new home
• Childcare subsidy or after-school OSCAR subsidy to help pay for the care of preschoolers and children up to 13 years old
• Disability Allowance if you or your child has an ongoing disability such as asthma, hearing or sight loss
• Emergency travel for people who are stranded
• Emergency medical and dentist treatment and equipment.

Getting financial assistance before you leave

If you’re in a violent relationship and are planning to leave but you have no money, you may be able to get the Domestic Purposes Benefit or another benefit now, before you leave.

A violent relationship may not count as being in “a relationship in the nature of marriage”, so you should be able to get a benefit as though you were single. However, you must provide strong corroborative evidence from police and/or Women’s Refuge that there has been violence towards you.

Information required by Work and Income

Before you can receive financial assistance, Work and Income will require proof of who you are, the names of your children if you have any, details of your assets and income – including your partner’s, any benefits you already receive, and your costs and expenses. You will also need to provide your bank account details.

Always carry this information with you if it’s safe to, in case you have to leave in a crisis. Otherwise, keep it in a bag hidden in your house or at a friend or family member’s house, so that you can access it when you need to, and it can’t be destroyed or stolen.

Forms of identification needed by Work and Income

Before Work and Income can grant you financial assistance, you will need to provide one form of identification, and two additional documents that support your identity. The issue date of one of these documents must be at least two years prior to the day before the date of your application.

Providing proof of the abuse

Work and Income will also require proof of the abuse or violence you have experienced. This can be difficult to talk about and evidence, particularly if you have never told anyone before.

There are several ways that you can evidence the abuse or violence you have suffered. If you’ve visited your doctor, a clinic or the hospital with injuries from the violence you can access these records, and your doctor can write a supporting letter.

If you have sought legal advice from a lawyer, or other advice from another professional, they can write a letter supporting you. Perhaps a teacher at your child’s school, or your midwife or Plunket nurse could also provide a letter attesting to the violence.

If you’ve never told anyone before, you can receive confidential services and advice from Women’s Refuge, and we can also support your application for a benefit with the information you’ve given us about your experiences.

Work and Income contact details

www.workandincome.govt.nz
Freephone from within New Zealand: 0800 559 009
From overseas: +64 9 913 0300
7am–6pm Monday to Friday and 8am–1pm Saturday

We work for all women

Women’s Refuge welcomes all women and children in New Zealand to use our services.

We are a proudly inclusive organisation, and we have specialist services for many minority groups who can be particularly vulnerable to domestic violence.

Healthy, equal relationships

Remember: relationships don't have to be unequal or abusive. Healthy, equal relationships take some work but they are possible, and you have the right to expect the best for yourself.

Your rights in a relationship are:

• to be treated with respect - and define what respect is for you
• to decide what is important for you and set your priorities
• to have and express your own feelings and opinions
• to have a different view and not feel guilty
• to be listened to and taken seriously
• to ask for what you want
• to make mistakes and be allowed to try again.

Each right has a responsibility - the responsibility to behave in the same way towards the other person.

We work for tangata whenua

Women’s Refuge has 503 valued Māori workers, making up over 50% of the paid and unpaid workforce.

As part of our constitution, and in recognition of Māori as tangata whenua and our recognition of tino rangatiratanga, we are committed to parallel development. In short, this is an agreement between Māori and other cultures that enables each to develop domestic violence support services that are culturally appropriate and complementary.

Māori Whare

In 1987, Te Whakaruruhau, the first Māori Women's Refuge, was established in Hamilton. Women’s Refuge now has 14 Māori whare offering services designed by Māori for Māori.

Māori whare apply kawa and tikanga of the mana whenua to their practice and delivery of services within the rōhe they operate.

The goals of Māori whare are:

• the elimination of violence
• promoting wellbeing of our whānau, hapū and iwi, and the communities in which we live
• promoting mana Māori motuhake
• designing and promoting kaupapa Māori models
• promoting processes of transformation that liberate and inspire whānau, hapu and iwi to the goal of tino rangatiratanga in all facets of their spiritual, political, social and physical realities.

The values for Māori whare are:

Whakapapa It is kinship that determines the collectivity between whānau, hapū and iwi – a collective consciousness. It is the way in which we engage, so that the reciprocity and obligatory nature of whakapapa means that it can be used to create productive and enduring relationships to support change. Whakapapa informs a person about being a human, being of a culture, being of a place.

Whānaungatanga Tribal identity and cohesion enable Māori people to confidently interact. Whānaungatanga is what cements Māori, and embraces a collective responsibility. When functioning and applied properly, whānaungatanga ensures the wellbeing of an individual within a larger group. A nuclear family model is an alien concept for Māori.

Wairua The existence of the spiritual realm is fundamental to wellbeing from a Māori cultural frame of reference. Wairua is exercised through the practice of tapu.

Mauri Tau training programme

Women’s Refuge continues to develop services to enable whānau to work together to resolve and plan long-term solutions to domestic violence.

The Mauri Tau training programme is a framework to revitalise Māori values and beliefs. It offers an analysis of whānau violence and healing to sustain ora for whānau. Mauri Tau recognises that iwi already have the tools to obtain whānau ora from within, and aims to enhance their knowledge.

The programme emphasises harmony and keeping whānau intact – keeping mother and child together, and having families supporting women with their own plans for living free from violence.

Ma te huruhuru, ka rere te manu.
Adorn the bird with feathers so that it can fly.

We work for women in same sex relationships

Violence occurs in relationships between two women at a similar rate to relationships between women and men.

For lesbians/wahine takatapuhi, there are patterns of power and control in an abusive relationship just as there are in heterosexual relationships, but they can feel worse because of the hatred and fear of homosexuality that is expressed by others in society, and even internalised by lesbians themselves.

The Power and Control wheel shows how the pattern of violence is made up of many different incidents that can sometimes seem like separate or small things. Women have said that they felt like they were going crazy because their abuser's behaviours seemed random and isolated, or small (like a look or a gesture), or hard to explain. This wheel helps women to see the behaviours as a system used to control them.

Our services for you

Many Women’s Refuges have wahine takatapuhi/lesbian/queer women who are trained advocates. You can ask to speak to these women when you ring our Crisisline on 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843. If they’re not immediately available, they will return your call as soon as possible.

You can make a time for a face-to-face meeting if you prefer, and if a lesbian/queer worker is not available you can contact the refuge in a neighbouring town.

In a Women’s Refuge safe house, where you can stay if you need to while you make your own choices, you will usually have your own room. Some refuges run support groups for women who have experienced violence. These are usually mixed groups, but there are some in Aotearoa that are for lesbians only.

If you think that your partner may try to access our services as well, tell your Women's Refuge advocate. We can make sure that she will not find out if you’re in the safe house.

What can professionals working with lesbians experiencing violence do?

• Never assume that a woman's partner or abuser is a male.
• Make your workspace a safe place with literature and posters that support lesbians and celebrate different sexual orientations.
• If possible, have specialist workers to work with wahine takatapuhi/lesbian/ queer/bisexual women who use your services.
• Challenge your own homophobia.
• Be aware that the Domestic Violence Act does cover same sex relationships, including for Protection Orders and education programmes.

Free downloads:

Partner Abuse in Lesbian Relationships pamphlet (PDF)
Same Sex Relationships Power and Control Wheel diagram (PDF)

Over the years wahine takatapuhi/lesbians have made a major contribution to the establishment of Women's Refuges. As a result, Women's Refuge has an affirmative policy regarding lesbian visibility. Local Women's Refuges encourage the participation of wahine takatapuhi/ lesbians so there is support when needed.

We work to try and meet the different needs of all women

Disability is a complex issue - someone's experiences of disability may be obvious, or may be hidden.

We endeavour to help all women, no matter their needs. We are especially aware that women with disabilities are vulnerable to abuse.

A helpful booklet called Domestic Violence and Disabled People was released in 2011 that looks at the issues around domestic violence and disabled women in New Zealand. At the launch, the Minister of Women's Affairs noted that, "International research shows that women with disabilities are much more likely to suffer from domestic violence than other women".

Women with disabilities who suffer from domestic violence may find it more difficult to access pathways for help. Domestic Violence and Disabled People lists the following reasons why a person who experiences disability may find it extra difficult to talk about abuse:

• fear of losing a caregiver
• fear of being institutionalised
• being unable to communicate without help or technological aids
• being unable to access support in mainstream ways
• social isolation
• lack of access to transport.

Lack of awareness is another factor, as people often don’t believe that abuse happens to disabled people. Women's Refuge will believe you, and we can offer you advice on the services we are able to provide, and/or advice on other agencies that may be able to assist you.

Please contact us anytime – we are always here to help.

How women with deafness, hearing-impairment, deaf-blindness, or speech-impairment can contact us

We welcome your contact, and here are three suggested options for you:

1. Get help online

Please note this is a service for non-urgent queries, but we will reply to you as soon as possible. Simply fill out our online help form.

2. Use the NZ Relay service

New Zealand Relay is a service in which a relay assistant serves as the ‘ears and voice’ on phone calls between a deaf, hearing-impaired, deaf-blind, or speech-impaired user and a hearing party. The assistant speaks words typed by a deaf user on a textphone (TTY) or via the Internet, and relays the hearing person’s spoken response by typing back to the NZ Relay user. Local and national calls are free of charge, such as to our Crisisline at 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843. NZ Relay operates 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

3. Get assistance from someone you trust

If you feel unable to use the NZ Relay service or an interpreter to assist you, you can ask someone who you consider to be safe to contact us on your behalf.

We work for women of all ages

Domestic violence can happen to anyone at any age. Older women – just as younger women – experience domestic violence in the form of physical, sexual, emotional and financial abuse from their partners and other family members, and the dynamics of power and control are the same.

One in four Australian women who have experienced a recent incident of physical violence are aged 45 and older, and older women are now entering homeless services in greater numbers than older men.

And a 2004 British report, Older Women and Domestic Violence, found that women aged over 60 who are victims of domestic violence suffer in silence because professionals and policy-makers ignore the problem. The report identified a common misperception that, "it can't be that bad or she would have left years ago."

We know that older women tend not to seek help at the same rate as younger women. Often they are invisible to domestic violence service providers.

Older women who are abused experience the same challenges as younger women, but they face additional ones, too. These may include:

• having married during a time when domestic abuse was considered a 'private matter'
• having married during a time when a marriage commitment was unquestioningly lifelong
• feeling afraid to live alone after being with someone for many years
• having lived with abuse for many years, which may have added to feelings of isolation, poor self esteem, lack of career or independent income
• not knowing who to ask for help
• being dependent on their partner for care
• feeling a duty to take care of an ageing partner
• not knowing a lot about risks of sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
• having less of a support network, such as when friends retire and move away, or pass on.

Women's Refuge will provide advice and support to any woman, no matter your age, even if it means putting you in touch with more appropriate services. We work closely with Age Concern, which has provided the story below of a real-life scenario of abuse of an older woman.

Mrs T is housebound due to health and mobility problems. She is dependent on her daughter Sarah for shopping and any other errands. Due to her daughter’s mismanagement of her finances, Mrs T is now in considerable debt. She is under threat of power and telephone disconnection, doesn’t have enough money to cover her weekly medication costs, and her health is rapidly going downhill.

Sarah has a history of physical abuse toward her mother. Her mood swings and intimidation tactics have made her mother very fearful of her. Mrs T is aware she doesn’t have the strength she once had and is feeling increasingly afraid of being home alone with Sarah.

Neighbours regularly hear shouting and bad language coming from Mrs T's house. One night it is particularly bad. Inspired by the ads on TV, a neighbour calls the police. The police find Mrs T on the floor, her head bleeding. After some investigation, they issue a Police Safety Order, removing Sarah from the house. Age Concern receives notice of this event from police the next day and immediately contact Mrs T offering their support.

Mrs T is afraid and ashamed, but also a little relieved. She hadn't realised how tense she had become around her daughter. She is very worried about what will happen now the police have taken her daughter away. Who will do her shopping and pay her bills? What will happen to Sarah? What will Sarah do to her when she's allowed to come back?

Age Concern talks to Mrs T about other organisations that might be able to help. Together they contact Women's Refuge – not to go to a refuge, but to talk to the people there and learn a little more about what can be done to help her, and to help her daughter.

The Women’s Refuge advocate and Age Concern coordinator work together with Mrs T to sort out all the issues she is facing and find a way through them. A meeting is held to which Mrs T invites her son and his family, her neighbour and her pastor – people who are important to her. Sarah is also included in the meeting, as is Women’s Refuge, Age Concern and a community social worker from the District Health Board.

They jointly agree a plan for ensuring Mrs T is able to live safely at home. Unfortunately Sarah is not yet prepared to change her violent behaviour and so Mrs T decides to apply for a Protection Order, hoping that if Sarah is forced to attend a stopping violence programme, one day they will be able to be a 'proper' family again.– A story of physical and financial abuse of Mrs T aged 79 (provided by Age Concern)

We work for children

Our child services recognise that children have very different needs from their mother in a situation of domestic violence.

Whether a child has experienced or witnessed domestic violence, the effects can be severe. So we have specially trained children’s advocates who work closely with children to make sure their voice is heard, their rights are upheld and their needs are met.

If you and your children are staying at a Women’s Refuge safe house, or in the community one of our skilled children’s advocates will actively offer support by:

• advocating for the care and protection of your child
• providing information and support for schooling and child daycare centres
• providing information and support for the child’s medical needs
• providing information and support for government processes and actions
• finding any special services a child may need, such as a teacher's aide
• supporting your child in being part of decision-making about the future where appropriate
• identifying gaps and barriers for the protection and wellbeing of the child.

Our children’s programmes

Your local refuge runs children’s domestic violence education and support groups. Some refuges also have a children’s subcommittee or advocate.

Tamariki Domestic Violence Education Programme This programme is for children aged five to 12 witnessing or experiencing domestic violence in their homes. It provides a safe environment for children to discover and talk about their feelings, learn how to action their feelings, and be assured that the violence is not their fault. Children get to develop and practice their own Safety Plans to protect themselves from violence. A visit from local police helps encourage children to ring 111 in an emergency. Contact your local refuge for more information.

He Tāonga te Mokopuna This programme is for pre-schoolers, and provided by Māori advocates. It utilises the home environment, encouraging parents and caregivers to be involved. It also provides a safe environment for children to discover and talk about their feelings, learn how to action their feelings, and be assured that the violence is not their fault. It allows parents and caregivers to hear how their actions affect their tamariki, and assists them to make positive changes. Contact your local refuge for more information.

The Women’s Refuge kaupapa for children

We strongly believe that:

• All children have the right to live in a safe domestic environment free from violence.
• No child is responsible for the violence used against them.
• Child victims are suffering from the effects of living with violence, not from any inherent psychological problems or deficiencies.
• Violent behaviour is a learned behaviour.
• Planned intervention is necessary to break the cycle of violence from being passed on from one generation to the next.

More services for children

We offer training for individuals or organisations interested in child advocacy.
Find other great organisations with services for children.
Visit our awesome youth website for information about our youth services, the United Nation’s convention on children’s rights our country has signed up to (UNCROC), and the effects of domestic violence on tamariki.

Nga tamariki, ko ratou hoki te rangatiratanga o te rangi.
Children have the right to reach their full potential in a world that treasures them.

Lend a hand and be a friend

Many of the people we help at Women's Refuge have been able to get out of a violent situation and go on to lead happy, safe lives because of the support of people like you.

Are you worried about someone you think is in an abusive relationship? At Women's Refuge we can provide you with free and private advice and support – phone us anytime on our Crisisline at 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843.

Act now if you think someone’s life is in danger, or if a child is suffering abuse or neglect. If you believe there’s a threat to their safety or yours, call the police on 111 or Child, Youth and Family on 0508 FAMILY or 0508 326 459 anytime.

Remember to look after yourself

It's hard work being a support person. In order to help someone else, you need to look after yourself first. You can get support for yourself from Women's Refuge or other support agencies.

10 ways to be supportive

When you broach the subject of abuse with someone you’re worried about, do it in a safe and caring way. You might like to choose a time and place where the person is feeling as relaxed and safe as possible. The most important things you can do are: 


1. Tell them your concerns. Tell the person honestly if you’re afraid for their life, or if you’re concerned about their children if they have them. Start with something like, "I'm concerned that things aren’t going well for you at the moment". Let them know that you’re sad they have this abuse in their life, and that no one deserves it. What you do and say can make a huge difference to their lives: they may not be able to see what the abuse is doing to them. Their self-esteem may be so low they feel stuck in their situation; they might not know where to go; think that they are to blame; that no one will believe them; or they might feel ashamed and embarrassed. You can show them that other people really do care.
2. Try not to judge. Let them know it's not their fault, that family violence is unacceptable and illegal, and acknowledge the strength and courage it has taken them to get this far. Please don’t judge them for being in the situation.
3. Listen. Listen quietly to what they have to say, and then be affirming. You don't have to have answers.
4. Share your own experiences. If you have been through abuse, tell them your story. Here are some other inspiring stories.
5. Believe them. Always trust that what you are being told is the truth.
6. Never excuse the abuse. Abuse is never okay – in fact, it’s against the law. Never defend an abuser with excuses like: “But they do love you”, “It only happened once”, “
It was just one punch”, “It's only because they were drunk”, “They’re under a lot of stress at work at the moment”, “it's a cultural thing”, or “
They were abused as a child.”
7. Be patient. Remember, for women especially, leaving a relationship is a very dangerous time - the violence can get worse. Meantime, it’s not helpful to ask questions like, “Why don't you just leave?”; “How can you let this happen?”; “How can you still love the person?”; or “Don’t you ever think about the children?”
8. Support them even if they decide to stay in the relationship. It can be very difficult to watch the person you care for remain with or return to their abuser, and you might feel frustrated and angry with them at times. Leaving can be a long process - we have found that it takes four to seven attempts before women are successful in leaving. Try to support them and be there for them until they are strong and safe enough to leave for good.
9. Allow them to express their emotions and reflect back to them. Listen non-judgementally without offering your opinions when a victim expresses their emotions. When they’ve finished, repeat back to them what you’ve heard. This can help them see the ‘big picture' of all the abuse and the effect it’s having on their life, and the lives of any children involved.

10. Allow them to make their own decisions. To emerge from a relationship with an abuser, the victim needs to start to take their own power back and be in control of their own lives. It's important that they can make their own decision to leave. Don't tell them what to do, but give them support and information so that they can make their own choices.

3 ways to offer practical help

Your practical help might be what is needed most right now, as a victim of abuse may be very emotional, and possibly depressed. Some wonderful ways to help are:

1. Get information. Show them some literature about domestic violence. They might need to know about: emergency accommodation, Protection Orders, getting financial help, moving house, counselling, and education/support groups. Women's Refuge can help you with this information. You can also help them make a Safety Plan.
2. Lend a hand. Ask them what they need while they are deciding what to do. Support you can offer may include: gong with them to the police station; lawyer’s office; doctor; court; Work and Income; childcare; transport; accommodation; providing your address to use for their mail; money; groceries; clothes; furniture; toiletries; staying with them at night; moral support and encouragement; and access to an education/support group.
3. Consider any children. Parents can sometimes put so much energy into their own survival that they don't have much left for their children. Children may need: help to understand what is going on but to be protected from the details; to see their friends and other whānau/family members; to feel reassured by familiar things and routines; to have their favourite toys and games; to not feel responsible for the break-up of the family; to feel secure and safe; to go to a children's group or counselling; good role models; fun and play; to talk about their feelings and emotions; to see the abusive parent or understand why they can't see them; to have a say in what impacts on them; and to know that adults will keep any promise they make.

People who have survived violence have learned many ways of coping in order to keep themselves alive. When a victim of abuse overcomes all the obstacles to leave a violent situation, celebrate their strength and courage!

Words of wisdom

Below are the inspiring, true-life words of women who have used the support of Women's Refuge to help them live new lives free from domestic violence.

Thank you to the brave women who have shared their stories with us. We’d love to read your story of hope, too.

Please write it in less than 500 words and email it to us at info@refuge.org.nz. Just make sure you change names and personal details so that you and your whānau/family cannot be identified.

“My advice to people in a situation of violence is to follow their dreams of being free. Get out when you can, and don’t wait for things to become better – they won’t. The grass is definitely greener on the other side, so don’t worry about the barbed wire on top of the fence. Wounds heal. Use the support that Women’s Refuge offers and never look back.“Kelly, now living a life free of abuse after escaping a violent, seven year relationship


“When I first came to the safe house, I didn't know how I'd manage with mixing with other people. I was used to being with just the children, but to my surprise the workers are so loving and supportive. And sharing experiences with other residents really strengthens me. It's so much better to talk and get the hurt out in the open. I am finding setting ourselves up now very hard. But the abuse, and not being able to see or relate to anyone, was much more painful than the difficulties in setting ourselves up again.“Gaylene, a mother starting a new and safe life for her children


"I owe my life and that of my children to the dedicated Women’s Refuge women, because if I didn't have their commitment to keep us strong and guide us through to the next journey of our lives, who knows where we would be. I now am a very strong woman and no longer accept any violence of any sort in our lives. And what is even more rewarding and exciting is that my children and I have the opportunity to cloud over the ugly sad memories with fresh, happy exciting ones. In a nutshell, I think Women’s Refuge gave me the strength, wisdom and power to trust myself. It gave us a safe place with no pressure to think about where we want to go from here and what was best for my children. That is pretty big when you have spent your life making others happy and doing things to smooth the ripples. I had the time to get my self-worth back and build my decision-making skills. And I got time to recognise that what had happened was not actually my fault, and we haven't done anything to deserve the way we were treated. I could see that it didn't matter what I tried to do in the past to stop or prevent the violence. It was never going to stop until my ex-partner wanted to stop it for himself."Cheryl, a domestic violence survivor and now full-time Women’s Refuge employee


“He never hit me, but he would stub out his cigarettes in the meals I spent ages cooking him. One day he wrapped the curtain cord around my neck and said, 'I could kill you right now.' He was a CEO. Women's Refuge came to my aid 20 years ago. I did leave him, but he actually got help for his behaviour and we were able to be together. When we did part 10 years later it wasn't because of violence.“Lucy, a former victim of psychological abuse


“It was the neighbours who called the police. I was scared and could not get to the phone. The police took my preschooler and me to their office and a Women’s Refuge lady came there to meet me. I had nothing. The safe home had high gates and a lovely child’s playground. It was near midnight that they took me in. The lady showed me a book with some of the important things I needed to know about the home and the rules. I had answered some questions and they had filled in a form but said I would be interviewed the next day. They gave me my own room with a double bed and a single bed for my son. They gave me a food pack, there were clean towels, a comb, toothbrush and soap in the room which I had not expected. I was tired! The lady stayed on for a little bit and we had a cup of tea and a piece of toast while I settled in my own self. I was then overcome with tiredness and slept for ages. My son must have been, too. There were other ladies there and over breakfast we sort of talked a little about our situation. I was allowed in to their Women’s Programme two days into my stay as they were talking about legal stuff and the other women did not mind me joining in. I was told to knock on the office door if ever I wanted to talk to someone and had regular check-ins with the Women’s Refuge ladies. They helped me with Work and Income stuff, they went with me to the hospital to get help for my ribs, and they helped me find a lawyer, some new housing, and support for my kid. I still don’t know if I will let him back into my life, but I know that those ladies will support me no matter what happens.”Liu, a survivor of domestic violence who benefitted from time in one of our safe houses

Complementing our work

Here are links to a selection of useful services, organisations and websites related to domestic violence.

They fall into these categories:

National NGO Alliance against Family Violence

This alliance is a group of national non-government organisations that come together as the National NGO Alliance against Family Violence.

It has met monthly for the past 15 years to discuss and take action on domestic and family violence, elder abuse, sexual violence and child abuse in New Zealand. The member organisations also share an interest in social and criminal justice issues.

Alliance members include:

• Age Concern New Zealand
• Aotearoa Association of Supervised Contact Services
• Barnardos
• Jigsaw
• National Collective of Independent Women's Refuge
• National Network of Stopping Violence Services Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga
• New Zealand Family Planning
• Pacific Islands Safety & Prevention Project Inc. ('The Project')
• Relationship Services Whakawhanaungatanga
• Royal New Zealand Plunket Society
• Shakti Community Council
• Shine
• The New Zealand Family Violence Clearing House
• TOAH NNEST
• UNICEF New Zealand

Other useful New Zealand services

Citizens Advice Bureau

0800 FOR CAB (0800 367 222) www.cab.org.nz
Citizens Advice Bureau can provide you with information and support about benefits, or dealing with Work and Income New Zealand (WINZ). Your local bureau can advise you of your nearest Benefit Advocacy Service. 


Community Law Centres

www.communitylaw.org.nz

Community Law Centres provide a range of community legal services including legal advice, legal assistance and representation, legal information, legal education and law reform activities. The website has free legal information, factsheets and guides, as well as contact details for centres throughout Aotearoa.

Disability Services

0800 373 664 www.moh.govt.nz/disability
The Ministry of Health is one of a number of agencies providing support and services for people with disabilities. Visit this website for information on the various disability support services available.

Mental Health Services

www.moh.govt.nz/mentalhealth
Mental Health Services provides information about the Mental Health Group, the National Mental Health Plan (Te Tāhuhu), the Mental Health Act, as well as mental health resources.

North Harbour Living Without Violence Collective Inc.

www.livingwithoutviolence.org.nz

This community organisation is based in Takapuna, Auckland. Its main purposes are to intervene in and stop men's violence against women, children and other men; to support and empower women; and to promote their safety from men's violence.

Rape Prevention Education

www.rapecrisis.org.nz
Rape Prevention Education provides information and support around crisis and sexual abuse issues. This website can link you to Rape Crisis Centres that can provide free support, counselling (both phone and face-to-face), practical assistance, advocacy, and resources for women and children who are survivors of rape and/or sexual abuse. The organisation also provides education and training for young people, parent groups and the wider community, especially in the Auckland region.

Refugee and Migrant Services 


www.refugeeservices.org.nz
Refugee and Migrant Services provide support and services to migrants and refugees in New Zealand including English language, social support and legal advice.

The Sophie Elliot Foundation

www.sophieelliottfoundation.co.nz
An organisation set up in honour of its namesake, a young victim who was murdered by her ex-boyfriend. The foundation aims to empower young women, and educate them about domestic violence to prevent their abuse by their boyfriends and partners.

Victims Information

0800 650 654 www.victimsinfo.govt.nz
If you or your family or whānau have been affected by crime, this website links you to the range of services available to help you deal with the practical and emotional effects of the crime at each stage of the criminal justice process, and afterwards.

National Council of Women

www.ncwnz.co.nz
Since 1896, the National Council of Women of New Zealand has lobbied for social justice by educating women on topical issues, collecting their opinions, and representing those opinions to decision-makers.

New Zealand College of Midwives Inc. 


www.midwife.org.nz
This national organisation supports professional and student midwives, as well as women who are seeking advice about using midwife services during and after pregnancy.

Roundtable on Violence Against Women

www.roundtablevaw.org.nz
An organisation devoted to promoting the human rights of women and girls by ending all forms of violence against women through changing community attitudes and action.

Rural Women New Zealand

www.ruralwomen.org
Rural Women New Zealand serves women of all ages who share an interest in rural life. It offers support and friendship for women with an interest in the land and rural issues. It also makes submissions on a wide range of topics affecting the rural sector.

Women's Health Action Trust

www.womens-health.org.nz
This is a gender and health discussion website run by the Women's Health Action Trust.

Zonta International

www.zonta.org.nz
Zonta International is a global organisation of business and professionals who work together to advance the status of women and girls through service and advocacy.

Women's Centres in New Zealand

These centres offer a range of services for women. They usually provide a friendly meeting place for all women and offer a range of courses and services provided by women in a women-only environment. The Auckland Women’s Centre’s website has links to many of the Women's Centres around New Zealand.

Accident Compensation Corporation

Are you ok

Child, Youth and Family

Department of Labour

Family and Community Services

Families Commission

Family Court

Housing New Zealand

Inland Revenue Department

Legal Services Agency

Ministry of Education

Ministry of Health

Ministry of Justice

Ministry of Social Development

Ministry of Women's Affairs

New Zealand Immigration Service

Office of the Children's Commissioner

NZ Police

Te Puni Kōkiri

Victims Information

Work and Income New Zealand (WINZ)

Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (United States) 


www.duluth-model.org 

The online home of the Duluth Model, which is recognised internationally as the leading tool to help communities eliminate violence in the lives of women and children. The model – with its ‘power and control wheels’ – has significantly influenced the way we work at Women's Refuge.

Domestic Violence and Incest Resource Centre (Australia)

www.dvirc.org.au
This Australian website has information for women, children and agencies about programmes, research, legal matters, and contacts.

Justice for Women 


www.jfw.org.uk
Justice for Women is a feminist organisation that campaigns and supports women who have fought back against or killed violent male partners.

New South Wales Women's Refuge Resource Centre (Australia)

www.wrrc.org.au
This resource centre is the central contact for the New South Wales (NSW) Women's Refuge movement. Its website has details of all refuges in NSW, and information including a downloadable e-book called Its Not Love – Its Violence which provides a good overview of family violence in Australia, help for those escaping violence, and advice for advocacy services.

The Australian Domestic and Family Violence Clearinghouse

www.austdvclearinghouse.unsw.edu.au
An Australian national organisation that provides information about domestic and family violence issues and practice.

Women's Aid (United Kingdom)

www.womensaid.org.uk
Women's Aid is England's national charity for women and children experiencing physical, emotional or sexual abuse in their home.

Women's Aid (Northern Ireland)

www.womensaidni.org
Women's Aid is the lead voluntary organisation challenging domestic violence in Northern Ireland.

World Health Organization (WHO)

www.who.int/gender/violence/who_multicountry_study/en/
Gender, Women and Health (GWH) is a WHO department that draws attention to the ways in which biological and socio-cultural factors such as gender inequality affects the health of women and men, boys and girls. For instance, the WHO Multi-country Study on Women's Health and Domestic Violence against Women presents initial results based on interviews with 24,000 women.

United Nations

www.un.org
An international organisation committed to the promotion of peace and security, development and human rights around the world.

We work for Pacific Island women

Women’s Refuge has one specialist Pasefika refuge, which is located in Auckland. It provides services to Pasefika women by Pasefika women.

We also work with a range of Pacific Island community groups in order to support women in their communities.

According to a 2007 report by Lievore and Mayhew, Pacific communities and others have voiced their increasing concern about an escalation of violence in Pacific families.

In 2001, Child, Youth and Family recorded that 646 Pacific children and young persons had been victims of abuse (emotional, neglect, physical, sexual or several of these). This represented 10.2% of the total number of clients recorded. In 2006, this rose to 1913 (15.4% of the total number of clients recorded). Pacific women who have experienced domestic violence report that it is often severe and ongoing, with a high impact on children.

“A number of factors may work separately or together to increase the likelihood that a person will perpetrate, witness or experience family violence,” Lievore and Mayhew state. “For example, the highest rates of partner abuse tend to be found among young, co-habiting adults of low socio-economic status, particularly when they have children. Many Pacific peoples fit this profile.”

The challenges for Pasefika in New Zealand

Pacific peoples often experience significant social and economic disadvantages in New Zealand society. For example:

• income levels that are among the lowest of all New Zealanders
• underrepresentation in labour market participation statistics and overrepresentation in unemployment statistics
• poor education outcomes
• poor housing and overcrowding
• overrepresentation as victims and perpetrators of violent crime.

Pacific peoples accounted for 12.1% of all apprehensions by the police for domestic violence over the 2006 - 07 financial year. This was almost double the proportion of Pacific peoples in the total New Zealand population at the 2006 census. Almost half (43.8%) of apprehensions of Pacific peoples took place in Counties Manukau.

Despite being overrepresented in some of the criminal statistics on domestic violence, Pacific peoples seem less likely to seek protection orders than some other groups. During 2003–2007, Pasefika only made up around 5% of applicants and 9% of respondents (where the ethnicity was known).

Anecdotal evidence suggests that Pasefika women are very reluctant to report abuse and use mainstream services, and that these figures underrepresent the level of need. There are also anecdotal reports of high levels of violence against the elderly in Pacific communities.

Sources

Programme of Action for Pacific Peoples – 2008 and Beyond, Ministry of Social Development for the Taskforce for Action on Violence within Families (2009)

Get help online

If your situation is urgent, call our free Crisisline on 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843
OR
Phone 111 immediately.  

Depending on your situation, it may be safest for you to request help or information from us online.
Fill out the online form below and we will email or phone you as soon as we can. For urgent help, phone 111 immediately.

Please note this is a service for non-urgent queries, but we will reply to you as soon as possible.

Migrant and refugee women

We work for women of Asian, African and Middle Eastern origin

Shakti is a Women’s Refuge associate member that provides culturally appropriate domestic violence intervention services to women of Asian, African and Middle Eastern origin and their children regardless of age, immigration status, religion and sexual orientation. The Shakti Crisisline is 0800 SHAKTI or 0800 742 584, and it’s free to phone from both landlines and cell-phones.

Domestic violence is against the law in New Zealand. This means all women living in New Zealand have the right to:

• leave a violent relationship
• provide a safe home environment for their children
• say ‘no’ if they don’t want to do something
• work and study, depending on immigration or citizenship status.

In addition to the more commonly known types of domestic violence, some Asian, African and Middle Eastern women may experience these additional forms:

How Shakti can help you

Shakti Community Council Inc. and its member organisations have a national Crisisline you can call for help and advice 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Phone 0800 SHAKTI or 0800 742 584 free from landlines and cellphones. In an emergency phone the police on 111.

Shakti has four refuges in New Zealand: two in Auckland, one in Tauranga and one in Christchurch and has drop-in centres in Wellington and Dunedin.

We offer outreach services and drop-in support for women who don’t require refuge accommodation. Phone and make a time to meet an advocate from Shakti. She will talk to you about your options, and ask you what you would like to do, and together you can make a plan. She will never tell you what to do or force you to take a step that you don’t feel is right for you.

All information you provide is confidential. Even if our advocate is from the same ethnic community as you, you can be sure that she will not disclose your details to others from your community or religious organisation.

And if you do need emergency accommodation, you can choose to go to one of Shakti’s refuges or your local Women’s Refuge. In a Shakti refuge we will try and ensure that you have your own room. We also try to ensure that you have access to food that you are familiar with; for example, Muslim women will have access to halal meat and halal cooking utensils.

Our staff and volunteers speak a number of Asian, African and Middle Eastern languages. If you’re not comfortable speaking in English, we will find someone who speaks your language and can interpret for you. All Shakti interpreters are required to sign confidentiality agreements and if the interpreter found is not a Shakti staff member or volunteer, we will check that you’re comfortable with this person before using her service.

Other services provided at Shakti centres include:

• counselling and legal advocacy services
• positive parenting programmes
• educational programmes for women, such as English language classes
• driver licensing
• career development
• NZQA accredited programmes for migrants and refugees (Auckland)
• Shakti Youth Servicesawareness and training programme for community advocates/volunteers.

Shakti member organisations

• Shakti Asian Women's Centre Inc - Auckland (Onehunga and North Shore)
• Shakti Asian Women's Safehouse Inc. (two refuges) - Auckland
• Shakti Legal Advocacy & Family Social Services Inc. - Auckland (includes Shakti Youth Unit and Legal Unit)
• Shakti Education Training & Advisory Company (SETAC), an NZQA registered training and education provider - Auckland
• Shakti Ethnic Women's Support Group Central Region Inc.
• Shakti Ethnic Women's Support Group Christchurch Inc.

Phone 0800 SHAKTI or 0800 742 584 to make contact with these organisations. We are also in the process of establishing a centre in Wellington.

Migrant and refugee women in New Zealand can also refer to the government’s Office of Ethnic Affairs for information and support, including a free telephone interpreting service for 41 languages.