Test your relationship

Use our Quick Quiz to check whether or not you are being abused, because there are clear patterns of behaviour in a relationship that signal someone is being psychologically abusive. You can take these as likely warning signs there is physical violence to come.

Simply read each statement, think about whether it applies to your partner’s behaviour in your relationship, and then click the TRUE or FALSE box beside it. If you don’t have children, just skip those questions. Read your results at the end of the quiz.

1. When it comes to my partner, I feel like I can’t do anything right.

2. My partner has informed me that if I ever leave, I won’t be able to see my children.

3. I don’t always feel like having sex, but I do it because I want to avoid an argument.

4. When I think about seeing my partner, I start to feel really anxious or sick.

5. My partner has been physically aggressive with me.

6. My partner tells me that I couldn’t do any better because I’m too ugly/fat/stupid/lazy.

7. I feel like my partner would be much happier if it was just the two of us all the time.

8. I have caught my partner checking my phone/emails/Facebook page.

9. There are times in our relationship when my partner really scares me.

10. If we have an argument in the car, my partner will drive really fast or dangerously to scare me.

11. There are aspects of our sexual relationship that I’m not comfortable with, but my partner insists on doing them.

12. In the past, when I’ve suggested a break, my partner has threatened suicide or hurting me and the children, so I didn’t go through with it.

13. After spending some time with my partner, I start to feel bad about myself.

14. People have commented to me about my partner’s jealous or controlling ways.

15. There are times when my partner gets really angry and just goes quiet. I find this unnerving because I don’t know what’s going to happen next.

16. My partner sometimes gets our children to insult me, or tells them things about me that aren’t appropriate.

Results

If you’ve clicked TRUE in any one of the boxes, you may be in an abusive relationship. It’s important for you to know that no one deserves to answer TRUE to any of the questions above.

Relationships are not supposed to make you feel worse about yourself or scared. Even if it doesn’t seem like it now, you can have a happy, healthy relationship that makes you feel excited and secure. Don’t settle for something that’s hurting you. Ask yourself, is it really love?

If you think you are in an abusive relationship and want some help, contact us by phone on 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843, or email us. We will listen to your concerns – for free and confidentially. And if we can’t give you the help you need, we will make sure you know who can.

Download or print the Quick Quiz
Share the Quick Quiz with someone else so they can check their partner’s behaviour

Need help now?

Call 111 or
0800 refuge
(0800 733 843)

click here for more info

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Stats about NZ domestic violence

Women’s Refuge is New Zealand’s lead agency in providing Domestic Violence services for women and children.

Are you at risk?

Try our relationship quiz