You know better than anyone else just how difficult it is to leave when there is violence or abuse.
It's very common for women to leave their abuser several times before they eventually leave for good. Women's Refuge have found that it often takes between 4-7 times of leaving and going back before women feel strong and supported enough to make the break.
There are many things to consider. Try to find a space to get clear in your mind before you make your final decision.
There are a few things we have learned about leaving:
• Leaving doesn't get easier with practice
• Staying with an abuser is likely to get harder to cope with and more dangerous for you and your children as time goes on
• The reason you leave the first time will almost always be the same reason you leave for the last time.
You and your children deserve much more than to live in fear, shame and anxiety.
There is no right or wrong way to feel at this moment. In fact you are likely to be feeling a mix of emotions that change in strength and urgency throughout the day and over the weeks.
You have probably:
• Tried to stop the violence by talking to the abuser
• Tried not to do anything that makes them mad
• Tried to keep the peace and do what they want
• Agreed to give them another chance
• Tried to change them for the better
• Done what you can to keep you and your children safe.
And it still hasn't worked, because it's their responsibility to stop the violence.
Talking to 'safe' friends or people who know about violence against women may also help you with the choices you need to make. You can ring a confidential phone line if you want to talk to an advocate.
If you're worried or feeling bad about hitting your partner, or hurting your kids, you can make the choice to get yourself out of the violent situation and get some help from someone like a Refuge advocate who won't judge you.
Remember that you have been strong and courageous through the time you have been in this relationship, you can continue to be strong, you have the right to be safe.