We have found that women who plan to leave are much more successful at rebuilding their life and staying safe, than those who leave in crisis.

If you think it's safe, you can make a safety plan a few days, weeks, or months ahead of the time you want to leave. Safety plans can help you think about what you want and need. They help you to have some control over the situation.

If it's not safe to write the plan down, or to get some things together, you could think through some of these things and prepare in your mind for how you might get out.

The most important thing is for you and your children to get out safely. If the time is right to leave, just leave. It doesn't matter if you haven't made a plan, or got your things with you.

 

It's ok to come back to Women's Refuge if you've been there before. We know that it can take many times of leaving and going back before you are able to be free. We sometimes work with women over many years.

  

Plan for leaving

This is a guide to help you think about how you might leave a violent situation. Women have told us that these things have helped them keep safe. You will know what is safest for you and your children. Trust your instincts.

• If it's safe, get together a bag that you can leave with a friend or whanau/family member, including:

- Copy of Protection Order
- Medicine for you and your children
- Copies of Birth certificates for you and your children
- Passports for you and your children
- Clothes
- Toiletries
- Children's toys
- Spare cash, ATM card and money for taxi/bus if needed
- Drivers licence
- Copies of bank details
- Any other important documents eg insurance, or residency papers
- Important phone numbers
- Your loved and treasured items like photos or jewellery

• Find out the emergency numbers you may need - Police, Women's Refuge, Doctors, Lawyers, friends and whanau/family. Keep these with you. You can contact Women's Refuge through the Police.

• If possible get a cell phone and keep this with you. Work and Income may be able to help you buy a cell phone. Even a pre-pay cell phone with no money on it can be used to call Emergency 111.

• If it's safe, talk to your friends and neighbours. Let them know that your safety is at risk. Ask them to watch out, and set up a code with them so they can tell if you are in danger, and ask them to ring the Police.

• To stop the violent person checking your phone-calls using redial, just pick up the phone and push any number afterwards. To hide your phone number from someone's caller display, dial 0197 before the number (if using Telecom or Vodaphone phone or mobile) or dial *32 before the number (if using a TelstraClear phone).

• Plan and practice an escape route from your house for you and your children. Plan a safe time to leave, and a safe route to take, and a way to get there (taxi, bus, Refuge van). Get your own house and car keys.

• Organise somewhere to go straight away (e.g. go to a friend's house, arrange a Refuge advocate to come and pick you up, go to a safe place in the community like the Police Station).

• Organise a place to stay for a while (Women's Refuge safe house, friend's place, another house/ flat) . If you need to move to another city or country, Women's Refuge can help you organise this.

•Talk to Women's Refuge or a lawyer about a Protection Order and sorting out the care of children if you have any. You can get court orders that allow you to stay in your home and/or use the furniture. A Protection Order can be for yourself, your children, and other family or friends who are being abused.

• If you have a Protection Order and the violent person keeps being violent, threatening, stalking or contacting you, call the Police. If the Police don't take action, talk to the Officer in Charge at the station, the Police Family Violence Coordinator, or make a complaint.

• Help your children to understand what is going on. They need to know how to keep safe. They don't need to know all the details, but they do need to feel reassured.

• If your life is in danger, and you need to move to another city or country, Women's Refuge and the Police can help you.

The most important thing is for you and your children to get out safely. If the time is right to leave, just leave. It doesn't matter if you haven't made a plan, or got your things with you.

>>FACT SHEET | You can print a copy of this plan as a fact sheet.

 

Plan for after you've left

This is a guide to some safety measures. Women have told us that these things have helped them and their children to keep safe. You will know what is safest for you and your children. Trust your instincts.

• Talk to Women's Refuge or your lawyer about a Protection Order, Tenancy or Occupation Order (so that you can stay in your house) and about sorting out the care and contact arrangements for your children (if you have them).

• Find out the support numbers you may need – e.g. Women's Refuge, Doctors, Lawyers, Schools, friends and whanau/family. Keep these with you. If you're ever in danger, call 111.

• If possible, get a cell phone and keep this with you. Work and Income may be able to help you get a phone. Even a pre-pay cell phone with no money on it can be used to call Emergency 111.

• If you haven't got a home phone, Women's Refuge can help you get a free one that can be used only for 111 calls.

• Make the area around your home safer: change the locks, get outside lights, repair damaged windows, trim underneath bushes and trees so you can see if anyone is hiding in them, etc.

• Tell all your neighbours and friends that you have a Protection Order and/or that the abuser is not allowed to come to your place. Ask them to ring the Police if they see anything suspicious. You could set up a code that will tell the neighbours you are in trouble e.g. ringing, hanging up, ringing again.

• Use your own bank account.

• Have your address and phone number removed from public access - eg. get a confidential number (so that Telecom won't give it out, except to Emergency Services); go on the unpublished Electoral Roll; get your details removed from any council register; tell Work and Income, your employer, landlord, schools, doctor, etc to keep your details confidential.

• To hide your phone number from someone's caller display, dial 0197 before the number (if using Telecom or Vodaphone phone or mobile) or dial *32 before the number (if using a TelstraClear phone).

• Use a third party when dealing with the abuser (eg. for mail, when picking up the children, when returning their property). Always take someone with you if you cannot avoid seeing the abuser.

• Develop a plan for yourself and the children about what to do in any situation - home, school, shops - if you feel threatened. Role play and practice the plan so you remember it.

• Help your children understand about what is going on. They might not need to know the details, but they do need to feel reassured.

• Ask for help from friends and whanau/family.

>>FACT SHEET | You can print a copy of this plan as a fact sheet.

 

Plan for staying

You may decide you are not ready to leave yet. You will know what is safest for you and your children. Trust your instincts. These are some things that you could consider for your and your children's safety.

• Find out the emergency numbers you may need - Police, Women's Refuge, Doctors, Lawyers, schools, friends and whanau/family. Keep these with you.

• If possible get a cell phone and keep this with you. Work and Income may be able to help you get a phone. Even a pre-pay cell phone with no money on it can be used to call Emergency 111.

• If it's safe, you could apply for a Protection Order (see Women's Refuge or your lawyer).You can still live with or go out with a person and have a Protection Order against them.

• Develop a plan for yourself and the children - what to do if violence happens at home, or when you are out. Think about the safest place in the house to run to, somewhere away from weapons, where you can get outside. Role play and practice the plan so you remember what to do.

• If it's safe tell your friends and neighbours. Let them know that you have fears for your safety. Ask them to watch out, and set up a code with them so that they know when you are in danger, and ask them to ring the Police. 

• Get your own house and car keys.

• Open your own bank account, and try to save some money. If you have no money, talk to Women's Refuge about getting a benefit before you leave.

• Use the support of Women's Refuge or other domestic violence agency, and the support of friends and family.

• Photocopy personal documents and keep them with you.

  >>FACT SHEET | You can print a copy of this plan as a fact sheet.

For more information about what support is available, go to Women's Refuge services.