Violence in the home harms children
Children who live in a home where there is violence are known to be significantly more at risk of being the victims of physical, sexual and psychological abuse and neglect than any other children.
Children can be harmed by seeing, hearing and being around violence, and they can also be the direct victims of abuse.
Child abuse can take a number of forms - physical, sexual, and psychological.
• Physical violence is when a child is assaulted and/or injured - deliberately or knowingly not prevented. Physical abuse is often the result of inappropriate discipline.
• Sexual violence is the involvement of children and young people in forced sexual activity of any sort; or the sexualization of children's behaviour.
• Psychological or emotional violence is emotional ill-treatment or rejection. All forms of abuse are emotionally abusive.
• Neglect involves not providing for a child's physical needs (food, water, clothing, shelter); exposing a child to risk of harm; not getting medical treatment when needed; or leaving children alone without proper adult supervision.
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Children have the right to:
• Live in a safe domestic environment, free from violence
• Be treated fairly and with respect
• Live with people who care about them
• Education
• Be safe at home and school
• Be protected from harm and abuse
Always put children's safety first. Children are vulnerable and easily hurt. We need to treasure and protect our tamariki/children.
Recognising child abuse
There are many signs and symptoms that show that a child might be being abused but some of these may have other causes. It's always best to talk to an expert, for example someone at Child Youth and Family or a community social worker, if you are worried that a child might be being abused.
Sometimes a child will tell you that they are being hurt or sexually abused – in almost all cases this will be true – believe them.
Sometimes you know someone is abusing a child – you see them or someone tells you about what is going on.
Any child with frequent injuries or injuries that just don't seem to fit the story about how they got them, is possibly being abused.
Children who are reluctant to go home (from school for example) or seem afraid of specific adults may be being abused.
Children and young people who are being abused will usually show signs of distress for example:
• Changes in behaviour
• Poor concentration
• Withdrawal
• Aggression
• Sadness
• Bedwetting
• Problems at school
• Drug and alcohol abuse
• Copying violent behaviour
• Attention seeking behaviour
• Self-blame
• Hurting themselves.
But some children are very good at covering up abuse.
Note: These signs may indicate conditions other than child abuse and neglect - the whole context of the child or young person's situation must be considered.
If you suspect abuse:
• If there is immediate danger for a child, call the Police on 111.
• If you are concerned or suspect abuse, contact Child Youth and Family (0508 FAMILY), or the Police. If you want to talk to someone about a child at risk, or if you think you may hurt a child, you can call Women's Refuge or the "It’s Not OK" Campaign Line 0800-456-450.
• Talk to the parents and support them as much as you can.
• Urge the parents to seek support from agencies in the community.
• Seek support and advice for yourself from Women's Refuge or community child protection agencies such as jigsaw.
If children want to talk to you about what is happening:
• Keep calm.
• Listen to the child, and let them know you believe them.
• Reassure them it's not their fault: They are not to blame.
• Acknowledge their strength and courage; tell them they've done the right thing.
• Write down what they tell you, but don't interview the child (don't ask lots of questions).
• Tell them you will do something about it, and then contact Child Youth and Family, the Police, or a community child advocacy agency.
• Call Women's Refuge for advice and support.
• If you hear nothing from Child Youth and Family or the Police, call them again. Don't just leave it.
• Don't make promises to a child that you cannot keep
What can I do if I'm worried I may abuse a child?
• If you are at immediate risk of hurting a child at any time - put the child in a safe place - and ring someone for support - a neighbour, friend, or family member.
• Never hit or smack a child or young person. Children are easily injured and physical punishment will not make them better behaved. Mild physical punishment can easily escalate into abuse. It is not necessary to hit children. Hitting children or young people teaches them that violence is OK.
• Never shake a baby or young child. Shaking can cause severe brain damage and death in young children.
• Seek professional help as soon as possible - talk to your nurse, doctor, a family support agency or ring a help line.
• Let your family and friends know you need help and take some time out.
• Don't just keep hoping things will get better - if you or your partner is “losing it” with the children, get help now.
• Get help for your own problems. If you are unhappy or depressed or depending on drugs and alcohol. Talk to a nurse, doctor or counsellor.
• If you are a woman experiencing violence seek advice from a Women's Refuge or the Police.
For further information on child abuse look at the Child Youth and Family website, under "Reporting Child Abuse" and the jigsaw website.
A good book on alternatives to smacking is "Choose to Hug not to Smack: Awhitia, Kaua e Papakitia". It is available for $5 from EPOCH NZ, PO Box 11 996 Manners St Wellington