This section outlines other useful sources of help if you are experiencing violence.
Getting the best service
When you are choosing a service, look for people who:
• Are sympathetic
• Keep confidentiality
• Are trained in family violence
• Have a good understanding of gender issues.
Often, women workers are the best to see, but only if they work from a women-centred or feminist perspective.
If you are at the Police, lawyers, doctors, counsellors etc. you have the right to:
• Ask to speak to a woman
• Ask a service provider about the way they work before you see them
• Change to another worker if you find that you are not getting treated properly
• Demand to speak to the Supervisor or person in charge if you are not happy
• Take along a friend to awhi/support you.
Not all professionals understand family violence. Some professionals are sexist. Some are abusers themselves. Those who do not understand may not be safe, and they may not provide you with the service you need. Ask your local Women's Refuge, Family Court, women's health service, or women's centre to refer you to sympathetic services.
Education and support groups
Women's Refuges and some other agencies run education and support groups for women and children who are experiencing family violence.
In the women's groups the trained facilitators can help you to learn about the effects of family violence and how to build a life free from violence. You also get to meet and share stories with women who have been through similar experiences of violence.
The tamariki or children's groups provide a safe and fun place for children to understand and begin to heal from the effects of violence. They also learn non-violent behaviour (eg no bullying, hitting) and how to keep themselves safe.
The groups run by Women's Refuges are usually free or low cost, and they often provide transport, and childcare. Contact your local Women's Refuge, or Family Court for more information
Housing
Women's Refuge advocates can help you to find a new house if you wish to move. We can also help you to relocate to another town or country. Refuge advocates will help you to apply at Housing NZ or your local city council housing department, and if you are with Women's Refuge your application will often be prioritised (so you don't have to wait as long).
You can also look in newspapers, and your local Housing Advice Centre for available flats and houses. If you use a real estate agent you will have to pay up to one week's rent as a letting fee. Flat finding services can charge more. You may be able to get money from Work and Income to help you move house.
Benefits
We strongly advise that you contact Women's Refuge or another Benefit Advocacy Service who can inform you about benefit entitlements and accompany you to meetings at Work and Income. Refuge advocates can help make sure you get fast access to the benefit you are entitled to.
You may be eligible to apply for:
• Domestic Purposes Benefit (for single parent with child/ren; for someone caring for a sick or disabled family member; or for women alone over 50)
• Unemployment or Sickness or Invalids Benefit
• Student Allowance
• Independent Youth Allowance (for young people 16-17 who cannot stay at home)
• Emergency Maintenance Allowance (for women who do not qualify for the DPB)
• Emergency Benefit (for those not able to get other benefits)
• Special assistance for migrant women who are applying for a residence permit but have lost the financial supoprt of their sponsors due to domestic violence (must have entered NZ for the purpose of marriage or defacto relationship, have applied for residence, be living apart from partner due to violence, be unable to return home, and have a temporary work permit).
Note: If you are in a violent relationship and are planning to leave but you have no money, you may be able to get the DPB or another benefit now, before you leave. A violent relationship may not count as being in a “relationship in the nature of marriage”, so you should be able to get a benefit as though you were single.
There are also many allowances available to people on benefits as well as those on a low wage, such as:
• Accommodation Supplement
• Special Benefit or Temporary Additional Support if your essential costs (rent, food, bills, cost of car and furniture, childcare etc.) are more than your income (from benefit or wage)
• Food grants
• Reestablishment grant- If you have children and are separating from an abusive partner, you may be entitled to $1400 of recoverable and non-recoverable grants to help you move and set up a new home
• Child care subsidy or after-school OSCAR subsidy – to help pay for care of children up to 13 years old
• Disability allowance if you or your child has an on-going disability such as asthma, hearing or sight loss
• Emergency travel for people who are stranded
• Emergency medical and dentist treatment and equipment
You should be getting enough money to pay for your basic living costs. If you are turned down for any benefit or you think you should be getting more, get the decision in writing from Work and Income, and ask for a review immediately. Taking along an advocate often helps. Advocates can also help you with Work and Income debts.
Transport
Women's Refuge will sometimes be able to help you with transport to doctors, lawyers etc. Emergency transport to the whare/safe house is available 24 hours a day.If you want to attend an education group, transport can often be organised for you and your children.
Clothing and Furniture
Women's Refuge has supplies of clothing for you and your children in an emergency, if you have to leave home without your own stuff. Later, we can help you to get your things from your home, if you are not going back to stay there for a while. If you have a Protection Order you can get another Court order that lets you use the furniture you had in your home.
If you are starting off a new home and you need furniture and kitchen things, Women's Refuge may be able to provide you with basic items from the donations that we get, or we can help you find what you need at a second-hand shop. We can also help you get money for furniture, bedding, kitchenware and clothes from Work and Income if you're on a benefit or low wage.
Doctors
If you have to get treatment for a physical or mental injury, you may prefer to ask to see a female doctor, and take someone with you for awhi/support. Ask your doctor to record any injuries or health problems so that you have a record the effects of the violence.
If you have made a complaint to the Police, they may request a doctor's examination. You do not have to have this examination, but it may help with evidence for the case against the abuser, and will give you a medical check-up so that you can get early treatment.
Women's Refuge or a local women's health service, Rape Crisis or Women's Centre can advise you on women-friendly doctors in your area.
Counselling
It's a good idea to get a counsellor who understands family violence, and has a gender and power and control analysis. Counselling is a chance to talk one-on-one to a person who is impartial and confidential. Counselling can help you to make your own decisions, and help you cope with surviving abuse, grief, shame, loss and anger. Counsellors should not tell you what to do, or make you do anything you feel uncomfortable with.
Stopping violence/anger change for women
Some women who have been abused use violent behaviours towards themselves, their partners, children and others. Many women who have survived a violent relationship feel angry and don't know what to do about the rage they feel. If you are aware that your anger or your violent behaviours are hurting the ones you love, you can get help and support to change. You can learn about why you fall into old patterns of anger and violence, how to express anger in a safe productive way, how to respond differently to stresses and conflict, how to discipline children without hitting, and what healthy peaceful relationships might look like. You can be strong and empowered without hurting others. Your local Women's Refuge, Stopping Violence Service or parenting support agency will can refer to you a programme or a counsellor.
Sexual Health
A lot of women who have been abused suffer from sexual or reproductive health problems, such as pelvic pain, infertility or sexually transmitted infections. If you are pregnant, you may have concerns because the violence can increase during pregnancy, and miscarriages can be caused by physical violence. Or else you may decide that you do not want to go through with the pregnancy, and you want some information about abortion.
Talk to your midwife, Family Planning Clinic, Sexual Health Service, doctor or nurse about your concerns and tell them about the violence that is happening to you. Women's Refuge advocates can refer and support you.
Parenting Support
There are many organisations that provide support, education and advice on parenting. There is support for new mothers, young mothers, and for mothers with children of all ages – for every problem and concern that you may have. They can help you if you feel angry towards your children, out of control or stressed. Women's Refuge, Plunket, Parentline or jigsaw can help you find the right organisation for your needs.
Other support
As well as the sources of help listed in this section, there are other agencies that you want to get support from such as:
• Iwi social services
• Migrant and Refugee Services
• Lesbian/ Bisexual/ Queer women's support groups
• Women's Health Services
• Women's Centres
• Community Law Centres
• Church Support Services
• Budgeting help
• Childcare and Respite Services.
Either approach these places yourself (look them up in the phone book) or places like Women's Refuge or Citizen's Advice Bureau can refer you.