Domestic violence is usually about power and control
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The Power and Control wheel was developed by women in Duluth, USA, who had survived violence. Women in Aotearoa/ New Zealand have said that the wheel helps them understand the abuse they have experienced.
The Power and Control wheel shows how domestic violence is not only about physical and/or sexual abuse, but usually also involves a range of tactics of psychological, emotional and financial abuse.
The wheel also helps us to understand that violence in the home is usually not about someone being angry or stressed and 'losing it', but the abuse is actaully a way for the violent person to get their own way, and dominate their family members. Domestic violence is about controlling the victims through coercion and fear.
Psychological abuse is one of the main ways that abusers control and intimidate their family members. Psychological abuse involves many different behaviours by the abuser that can sometimes seem like separate or small things. Women have said that they felt like they were going crazy because their abuser's actions seemed random and isolated, or small (like a look or a gesture) or hard to explain. The Power and Control wheel helps women to see the mind games, controlling behaviours, and threats form a pattern of power that is used to dominate and control them and their children.
Physical and sexual violence, or the threat of it, is the 'rim' that holds the 'spokes' of the wheel together. Just one incident of physical and sexual violence, even the threat of it, can be enough to make women and children live in fear. This fear allows the psychological abuse tactics work, continuing the abuser's power over women and children. The Wheel also shows that psychological violence can easily ‘slip' over into physical and sexual violence at any time. The whole wheel of violence is driven by the hub, which is a system of power and control used by the abuser.
Relationships don't have to be unequal or abusive.
Healthy equal relationships take some work but they are possible.
Your rights in a relationship are:
• To be treated with respect - and define what respect is for you
• To decide what is important for you and set your priorities
• To have and express your own feelings and opinions
• To have a different view and not feel guilty
• To be listened to and taken seriously
• To ask for what you want
• To make mistakes and be allowed to try again
Each right has a responsibility - to behave in the same way towards the other person.
To download a Power and Control Wheel or Equality Wheel in English or Maori go to our Factsheets and Resources page.