Violence occurs in relationships between two women at a similar rate to relationships between women and men.
The violence in lesbian relationships can be physical, sexual, psychological, economic or spiritual. Many women say that the psychological/emotional abuse is the worst because it can creep up slowly, be hard to recognise (even difficult for ourselves to see what is going on), and is often accepted as what usually goes on in a lesbian relationship.
For lesbians/wahine takatapuhi, there are patterns of power and control in an abusive relationship, and these can be made worse by the hatred and fear of homosexuality that is expressed by others and even internalised by lesbians themselves. On top of that, our society is organised around the idea that being heterosexual is the only normal and natural way to be (this is called "heterosexism").
The Power and Control wheel shows how the pattern of violence is made up of many different incidents that can sometimes seem like separate or small things. Women have said that they felt like they were going crazy because their abuser's behaviours seemed random and isolated, or small (like a look or a gesture) or hard to explain. This wheel helped women to see the behaviours as a system used to control them.
| Lesbian power & control wheel |
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| >Click image to enlarge > Click here to download the printable version |