How do I feel now that I am out of my relationship? To be honest, when I first came to the Refuge I didn't feel that I deserved to be there. After all - here were women that had been beaten. I was physically threatened and there was a constant barrage of verbal abuse until my head felt it would explode. But he didn't beat me. He kicked me only once - oh, he did attempt to strangle me which left me frightened of him.
At the time I thought that I was mad - I thought that it would be better to be committed to escape the torment. It was a few weeks after leaving home before I felt “normal”. I can go shopping now and not think ‘everyone knows I am nutty'. I can look at shopkeepers in the eye again.
I no longer run excuses through my mind for every move I make. I know that nobody has the right to intimidate me, mix up my head and make a slave of me any more. I am a person with rights.
Also, now I know that women can get help - someone - people - care enough to do something to help other women in trouble. I know that I no longer have to struggle on alone. It has unloaded a heavy burden.
Our little boy is a different child - he smiles not frowns. I think and hope that he is happier. I know to “stay in the marriage for the sake of the child” is rot, and I don't feel guilty about leaving any more.
And how do I feel inside me? Relieved, happier, lighter most days. Never get so depressed as I used to. Most important of all, I don't have to compete with women any more. I can ‘feel' again - my emotions aren't numb any longer. I am me.