I left my marriage of 19 years and sought help in the Maori Women's Refuge. I had come to the point where I couldn't go on living with a partner who drank excessively, and was very possessive, jealous, powerful, and often demanding - who had control of not only myself, but our five children, one being a foster child.
I had left twice because of regular hidings and constant put-downs. My eldest son, now 20 years old, became included in the hidings and put-downs from an early age. My youngest son and foster son became victims of the same treatment.
We all lived in fear and often anticipated his moods. We lived like robots, did and said things to please him.
I enjoyed running regularly for nine years to help me cope with the pressures of a very demanding and dominating partner.
I also became very interested and mastered many craft skills. This often helped me to relax and enjoy what little I could of what I loved doing.
And participation as a family in a Maori club often gave me the space and enjoyment I craved for. But slowly each little pleasure or space was taken away from me.
I have for some years been denied many things as a person, a woman, and a mother. I can still remember the last hiding he gave me before I left with my two girls.
Although my partner never laid a hand on my girls, they too suffered emotionally and would often block their ears to drown out the screaming.
I knew when we left that day, I would never be going back to him.
I now wait anxiously for the day I am able to say legally that I am no longer his property.