Excerpts from a lifestory written by one of our Refuge advocates
"The door was finally unlocked and we were both gang raped, by how many I am unsure. I can remember three and know there were a lot more than that in the room, but blacked out after that. It was daylight when I came round. My mate was beside me - she must have fought harder than me because she was covered in blood and had been beaten. We were both naked and extremely sore. Our clothes were all torn off us and lay about the room......"
"The first time he attacked me was on my birthday. For the next ten years I was verbally, emotionally, physically and financially degraded and abused by him."
"Over the ten years we were together I had left him six times after he had really beaten me and all six times I had nothing. I wasn't allowed any of our clothes or anything in the house and no car. If I wanted to leave, I left with nothing. He would always come looking for me, cry and beg me to come home, he loved me and couldn't live without me and he would promise to get some help."
"He grabbed me by the throat and started punching me in the head at the table. He dragged me outside and started laying into me. He threw me on the ground and started stomping me everywhere. He was pulled off me and I was told to go home. I was bleeding from a cut below my eye and had a blood nose - we were both covered in blood. As I was walking to the gate he got free and grabbed me by the hair, threw me to the ground and started to choke me. I blacked out."
"He told me to stop the car which I did. He got out and dragged me out of the car, punched me a few times, then pushed me off the bank. Below was a river about 30 metres down. I remember sliding down the bank trying to grip something. About half way down I hit a tree growing out of the bank, so I grabbed on to that until I knew he had gone. It was pitch black and I had a sore shoulder and leg. I managed to pull myself up the bank and had a very long, cold dark walk home. When I got there he was laughing that I had the balls to walk all the way home."
"He was constantly paranoid and wouldn't sleep for days. He bought a lot of scary weapons like high powered crossbows and two pistols that he would clean in front of me and saying stuff like " which one do you want to be shot with, cause I want to know now so when you f*** me off again I know which one to get".
"He turned up in the middle of the night, kicked the door in and bashed me good, left me in a pool of blood on the kitchen floor and took our daughter - she was screaming. I remember him saying that "your Mummy is dead and you're going to live with me". My friend and my nephew rang the police and the ambulance. I had swelling on my brain and my front teeth had been knocked out and went through my lip and bruises everywhere. I was in hospital for five days, then got released and taken to the Refuge."
"I was still very scared that we would be found and they reassured me that we were safe now and that he wouldn't find us here. They made us feel safe and most of all welcome and for the first time in ages we became comfortable. I had so far told people very limited information - just enough to keep us safe. But most of it was kept close to me. My daughter quickly came out of her shell and was feeling really comfortable. I ended up opening up the secret box and for the first time talking."
"In a nutshell, I think Refuge gave me the strength, wisdom and power to trust myself. It gave us a safe place with no pressure to think about where we want to go from here and what was best for my children. That is pretty big when you have spent your life making others happy and doing things to smooth the ripples and trying to band-aid."
"I had the time to build my confidence and decision making skills. The Time to get my self worth back and I got time to recognise that what has happened was not actually our fault and we haven't done anything to deserve the way we were treated. After time I could see that it didn't matter what I tried to do in the past to stop or prevent the violence. It was never going to stop until my ex-partner wanted to stop it for himself."
"The service these dedicated women provide is, in my opinion, invaluable. I owe my life and that of my children to them because if I hadn't met them and didn't have their commitment to keep us strong and guide us through to the next journey of our lives who knows where we would be. Well I would guess that I would have buckled and listened to the lies and gone back to him and I would have been killed and my children would have only ugly memories of their life with their mother. And I believe I am not alone in this thinking."
"I now am a very strong woman and no longer will accept any violence of any sort in our lives. In May 2006 I joined the refuge as a volunteer working on the phone roster and house roster. It was my time to give something back to the organisation and I also thought if I could give one woman enough support that she even chose to leave or seek further advice on the impacts of domestic violence or from going back to the violent hands of her abuser then it would all be worth it. Well I'm delighted to say I have past that thought, and it became a huge passion to support and advocate for women and children who suffer from domestic violence. In January 2007 I was employed full-time to be the house supervisor, so now every day in my work I get to fulfil that passion. And what is even more rewarding and exciting is that my children and I have the opportunity to cloud over the ugly sad memories with fresh, happy exciting ones."
If a seed is planted and you forget to tend to it with the essentials, you will be lucky if it grows, if it does it may never bloom. If you take that plant and change its soil, feed it and give it water and sunshine over time it will reward you with the biggest most beautiful bloom you have ever seen!.